NEW YORK, NY – Apologies for the late post, but Angry Ward’s Cricket cellphone isn’t working in the town of Kiss Yer Cuzin, WV, so I didn’t get the message that he’s on vacation with optimal notice. So here I am, busier than a one-armed wallpaper hanger with jock-itch, patching this together. Thankfully the Sports Pundit Gods gave us plenty to chat about. Here’s what I chose: Subway Series: Edwin Diaz Saga, Aaron Judge is Herman Munster, Derek Jeter’s Birthday
Edwin Diaz Saga
After watching the Mets’ Diaz-less pen nearly blow a 9-1 lead (one no Mets fan felt comfy with), yours humbly came to two conclusions:
1) David Peterson is a lefty version of Dave Mlicki. Both were blessed with Major League Baseball stuff, but cursed with Minor League Baseball bird-brains. Sure, Mlicki will forever be remembered for shutting down the Stanks in the first-ever #SubwaySeries game, firing a COMPLETE GAME (remember those?!) shutout with 8Ks. The rest of the time, though, he was utterly confounding. Cut to present and Peterson is just as confounding. He’s Mike Pelfrey-confounding. Take last night for instance. Like Mlicki, D-Pete K’d 8 Stinkees in a Subway Series start. But his brain-farts stunk up the joint immediately, as he loaded the bases in the first with NO OUTS – including a pitch-clock violation! While we can’t be sure of how many Mets fans changed the channel at that point, we’d wager it was in the thousands. After that, he was simultaneously stupendous and stupid. With a big lead and his team desperately needing length from their starters with a short pen (Drew Smith and Diaz both out), D-Petes couldn’t get through the 5th – with a 6-run lead! Great googly-moogly, Craig Swan would’ve killed for a 2-run cushion through nine, let alone five! Send Peterson to Oakland in the off-season.
2) Edwin Diaz isn’t the lights-out Edwin Diaz of two years ago. If he was, he wouldn’t have been brazen/desperate enough to have so much gook on his hands that the umpire could see if from 30 feet away. He saw it as Diaz was coming out of the dugout! Oh, and he was guilty, alright. All you needed to know at the time was that his manager, whose name I still can’t remember despite him doing a decent job (until last night’s quick hooks of Peterson and Ottavino) – said something along the lines of “The rules are the rules.” Need more? Diaz didn’t file an appeal. He accepted guilt. This means he was cheating, folks. This means he needs to cheat, people. This means the Amazins have a HUGE problem, gang. What will they be getting from their now under-the-umpire-microscope, high-salaried reliever? And after Peterson’s poop last night, the pen will be especially taxed. Oy. Vey. Edwin Diaz is the new… Gerrit Cole.
Aaron Judge is Herman Munster
There really isn’t much more to say here. It’s pretty much self-explanatory. Maybe one could add that if Drago and Herman Munster had a son, it would be Aaron Judge. Hold your Reddit reprimands, everybody. I’m not knocking his looks. He’s a fine-looking man. The guy is just an absolute beast. A marvel. In fact, Marvel should put him their next big blockbuster – just as he is. His grand salami had most of us, including the defensively superb Harrison Bader, thinking it was a fly to right-center. Granted, it would have been an upper deck shot at The House That Greed Built, but this was Shea, I mean Citi, and you have to earn taters in Queens. Indeed, hitting Judge was the only smart thing Peterson did last night. But then you’re just poking the bear. Speaking of bears, the Pete “Polar Bear” Alonso camp CANNOT ask for Aaron Judge-type money. Alonso doesn’t breath the same air. Not even close. Do you think for a second Yankees fans worry about Alonso at the plate like frantic Mets fans when #99 is in the box? NO F*CKING WAY. We love you Polar Bear, but you best chill and come embrace some Earthly offer. Take a 5-year deal at 25-30 million a year and be eternally grateful. You’re the Lurch to Judge’s H-Muns.
Derek Jeter’s Birthday
Every June 26th, I’m reminding of Derek Jeter’s success… and my failures. See, we share today as our birthday. Forever linked. He’s a winner. I’m… well… not a winner. This year is particularly painful, as it’s during the Subway Series – which I can’t afford to attend. But we’re all adults, right? Maybe this year I’ll stop sticking needles into that Jeter effigy sitting 2 feet from me on my eternal hard drive. [Ahem].
Please comment below and come back for own own Diaz – Buddy Diaz – who NEVER reads his fellow writers’ posts.
