Angry Ward Wednesday: Melo Drama, Memphis, Marte, NY Rangers… Sports Lessons 101


Carmelo and La La (Photo: Neilson Barnard/Getty Images)

BRONX, NY – No time for dilly-dallying this Tuesday evening. Already received a text from my Matts-Managing Editor asking “When will you be done?” The answer to that one was “around five years ago.” Still, gotta crank out some content. This week is only a few days old, but already we have some tried and true sports situations once again surfacing like corpses in the Harlem River in August. Here’s the deal.

Ç Drama. Story: Carmelo Anthony’s marriage to his wife La La is on the rocks. Lesson: If you’re a pro basketball player in NYC and your wife is named La La, and has all kinds of Hollywood aspirations, there’s a fairly good chance that things ain’t gonna work out. Throw the car wreck known as the Knicks into the mix and it’s pretty much a certainty. Footnote: The Knicks also just lost a draft lottery ping pong ball tiebreaker to the Timberwolves, which is kinda funny.

Officials Hose Memphis. Story: Memphis Grizzlies coach feels refs are hosing his team. Lesson: Grizzlies coach David Fizdale was probably right when he went off about Kawhi Leonard having more free throw attempts (19) than his entire team (15). But this is the way the NBA has operated for years. Sorry Memphis, you don’t get to win… ever. It’s Chinatown, Jake. You probably deserve better, but won’t get it. Footnote: Fizdale at least had an entertaining press conference. (Skip to around 1:30 mark)

Starling Marte Suspended. Story: Pittsburgh Pirates’ start outfielder Starling Marte has been suspended 80 games for testing positive for PEDs. Lesson: Professional athletes are never going to stop using PEDs. It’s simple risk/reward. Too much money to be made. Footnote: Marte can return after the all star break but won’t be eligible for the post season. And we can all agree that this was really going to be the year that they won it all.

(Photo by Bruce Bennett/Getty Images)

Rangers Alive and Well? Story: The New York Rangers evened their series against (Canadian pronunciation, please) the Habs last night. Lesson: The Rangers live to prolong the agony of their fans. Footnote: Short Matt has vowed to supply tickets to MTM writers to the  first home game of the next series should the Rangers advance. Stay tuned.

That’s it for this week. Buddy Diaz, a helluva a ballplayer who never tested positive for PEDs (in this country), is back tomorrow.

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Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.

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