Angry Ward Wednesday: Melo Drama, Memphis, Marte, NY Rangers… Sports Lessons 101

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Carmelo and La La (Photo: Neilson Barnard/Getty Images)

BRONX, NY – No time for dilly-dallying this Tuesday evening. Already received a text from my Matts-Managing Editor asking “When will you be done?” The answer to that one was “around five years ago.” Still, gotta crank out some content. This week is only a few days old, but already we have some tried and true sports situations once again surfacing like corpses in the Harlem River in August. Here’s the deal.

Ç Drama. Story: Carmelo Anthony’s marriage to his wife La La is on the rocks. Lesson: If you’re a pro basketball player in NYC and your wife is named La La, and has all kinds of Hollywood aspirations, there’s a fairly good chance that things ain’t gonna work out. Throw the car wreck known as the Knicks into the mix and it’s pretty much a certainty. Footnote: The Knicks also just lost a draft lottery ping pong ball tiebreaker to the Timberwolves, which is kinda funny.

Officials Hose Memphis. Story: Memphis Grizzlies coach feels refs are hosing his team. Lesson: Grizzlies coach David Fizdale was probably right when he went off about Kawhi Leonard having more free throw attempts (19) than his entire team (15). But this is the way the NBA has operated for years. Sorry Memphis, you don’t get to win… ever. It’s Chinatown, Jake. You probably deserve better, but won’t get it. Footnote: Fizdale at least had an entertaining press conference. (Skip to around 1:30 mark)

Starling Marte Suspended. Story: Pittsburgh Pirates’ start outfielder Starling Marte has been suspended 80 games for testing positive for PEDs. Lesson: Professional athletes are never going to stop using PEDs. It’s simple risk/reward. Too much money to be made. Footnote: Marte can return after the all star break but won’t be eligible for the post season. And we can all agree that this was really going to be the year that they won it all.

(Photo by Bruce Bennett/Getty Images)

Rangers Alive and Well? Story: The New York Rangers evened their series against (Canadian pronunciation, please) the Habs last night. Lesson: The Rangers live to prolong the agony of their fans. Footnote: Short Matt has vowed to supply tickets to MTM writers to the  first home game of the next series should the Rangers advance. Stay tuned.

That’s it for this week. Buddy Diaz, a helluva a ballplayer who never tested positive for PEDs (in this country), is back tomorrow.

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Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception… he’s flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, “Angry Ward’s ‘anger’ is a direct result of “Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan.” As if that weren’t enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, “Don’t have a enough short, white angry guys but I don’t dislike them… that much.” A-Dubya is MTM’s longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.

  • jgclancy

    So does that offer meanThe Short One has absolutely no faith in the Rangers?
    Knicks lost the lottery to Minnesota, eh? Seems about right.
    I checked on my Oakland A’s -they want to take a dip in the Harlem River next time they’re in NYC –won’t even wait for August!The lousy Mariners will probably tag along as usual.
    So much for Aaron Hernandez. Let’s never mention him again.
    Mets need a win..that sums up the day

    • bosoxbruins04

      The Hernandez tragedy left a pit in my stomach. What a senseless loss.

      • Drunk In Joisey

        Sorry but that piece of *sh!t shouldnt get any air time. Maybe some these idiots will get it that being a pro athlete is a privilege.

        *Edited by MTM Censors

        • We have mixed emotions on the Aaron Hernandez situation. Certainly the family of the victim must feel some kind of relief but it is still such a tragic ending and life. That said, is today a good pool day?

    • AngryWard

      My lousy Mariners got one lousy hit last night… in the 9th inning! Against the Marlins!! That’s a lot of lousy.

      • The Mariners are who we thought they are/ is /will be.

    • Post hoc Ergo propter hoc?

      • jgclancy

        E platypus Unibus haploid Zirconium addendum et-too-fay Britann
        icus would be closer tothe truth. The truth is out there..just ask Mulder. Alms for the poor?

  • Dude

    of course the knicks lost the ping pong ball runoff. doomed to pick a frenchman in draft. message to the nba: i don’t care that the league is rigged, but maybe its time you rig it for the largest media market in the league. And . Maybe the mets could f-ing learn to hit.

    • AngryWard

      You’re right Dude. It has been a long time since the NBA froze the Knicks into the #1 slot for Ewing. Stop worrying about LA and bring a winner back to NY. The Mets, are pretty much the same streaky offensive group they’ve been for the past few years. Still holding out hope that Cabrera and Bruce can hit enough to get Cespedes some pitches to hit.

      • Dude

        i’m still holding out hope the mets will see sterling marte’s guy

    • Junoir Blaber

      I agree on both points. The reason the league doesn’t rig the Knicks is because no one can stand James Dolan.

  • benwhit

    Had Mrs Melo held on, it might’ve worked out. If the Clippers get bumped, they might be looking to make big changes.

  • GrindingAx

    I think I may disbarage Rick Nash again during the opening minutes of game 5. The strategy appeared to work last evening!
    Has anyone seen Girardi?Miller? Kreider? Hayes? Stephan? Zuc is a least present on the ice. I believe they will slip past the Habs, but it will be another painful exit in next round.

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