The Cardinal Way, Franks & Beans, and the WWE!

Knicks made the big trade, but still have Dolan. How long before he screws things up?



With all due respect to the passing of Lou Reed, I believe the Dirty Boulevard takes a back seat to the Boulevard of Broken Dreams (aka I Walk Alone) when it comes to New York sports fans.  To wit, have you visited the “Valley of Ashes” lately?  I didn’t know what that was until New York City recently approved a “plan” to make over the area surrounding Willets Point that for more than 100 years has stood as a symbol of corruption, graft, environmental contamination, and the birthplace of the modern chop shop.  And that’s just the Mets. The junk yards have also made quite the mess over there.  So the same smug douche bags who’ve brought Fort Greene and Sunset Park out of the urban wilderness, now are calling the junkyards around Shea, the Valley of Ashes. Good Gatsby that’s pretentious.

I’m excited that the World Series can’t go further than Halloween. The official off-season then begins, and my favorite time of year commences.  Award Season begins (see below) with the announcement of Rookies of the Year first, followed by the other hardware. And as of this Thursday, Sandy is officially “on the clock.”  So we know that will be fun as we watch Sandy sit on his hands all Winter while other GMs try to get better.

If you’ve watched this World Series between the Red Sox and Cardinals, you’ve heard the term, the “Cardinal way.”  And while guys like Pete Kozma and Matt Adams hardly represent traditional Cardinals baseball, we do recognize the RedBirds as a model organization historically with more WS appearances than any team not named the New York Yankees.  So even with a couple of bone-headed plays, the “Cardinal Way” is alive and perpetuated with near annual excellence. I decided to see if there were any “ways” that could be attached to our local teams here in the Big Apple.

The Cardinal Way?


The “Met” Way-lying, deceit, incompetence and short-sightedness in spades. Hmmm. Not so good.

  The “Giant” Way-yeah, I know we’ve coaxed a couple of recent Super Bowl victories out of Eli and the boys, and yeah-there really isn’t anything that can be said given their track record over the past nearly 30 years. (5 SB appearances, 4 Ws in Supes)  But otherwise the “Giant way” means starting every season 6-2 and then collapsing every year and either just making or just missing the playoffs. The “Giant way” is the annual 2nd half collapse.

The “Knick Way?”…this one’s too easy. The Knick Way is decades of bad basketball, grossly incompetent management, sexual harassment suits from the one-time UB AD, and more recently-an unflinching devotion to a single offensive star without any chance of ever winning a title.

The Ranger Way?–Matt? Help? That old dude…what’s his name? Does John Davidson still call the games or has he moved on to the Hollywood Squares?

On the other hand, the Islanders may soon themselves have a “way” after acquiring Tomas Vanek.  This seems pretty exciting and gives the Isles two legitimate stars. That’s good, I think. Though that 30 for 30 film on John Spano was pretty epic.


And finally, a note about that pillar of integrity and sportsmanship, the WWE. My kids love this crap but I was never into Wrestling as a kid.  It’s become huge-especially the past 5 years. I watched “Hell in a Cell” on pay-per-view on Sunday night with my kids as I made my monthly $50 donation to the Linda McMahon Senate campaign.  I hate that I know who Triple H is, and Ryback, and CM Punk.  For what it’s worth, Bruno Samartino lived in my apartment complex when I was a kid. But so did Jerry Grote.

So I’m Coaching my sons’ flag football team Sunday up at Stillwell Field in North Syosset, and we’re getting absolutely annihilated for the 6th game in a row.  Of the approximately 5 movies* I’ve literally ROFLed at the Movie Theater in the past 20 years, the one that came to mind was the classic Farrelly Brothers’  There’s Something About Mary.  Matt Dillon tells Cameron Diaz that while Architecture is his vocation, his true passion, is working with “retards.”  Dillon and I share the same passion. Coaching a bunch of 12 & 13 year old kids is just a joy and it feels so good to contribute to the community.  For those who recall “Mary” I’ve got an entire team of “Warrens” and they almost literally run around the field yelling “franks and beans” while running the wrong plays, throwing to the wrong guy, while leaving their beleaguered coach thismuch closer to a psychotic break. We’re 0-6 and have been outscored 178-44 on the season. But as every team qualifies for the playoffs, we’re 0-0 going into the postseason, baby! So anything is possible!


The FSA envelopes please!

NL ROY-Jose Fernandez

AL ROY-Will Myers

NL Cy Young-Clayton Kershaw

AL Cy Young-Max Scherzer

NL MVP-Andrew McCutcheon (runner up-Matt Carpenter)

AL MVP-Miguel Cabrera (runner up-Jason Kipnis)

Agree? I bet FSA nails all of his picks!

*5 Movies/Scenes that caused FSA to roll on the floor laughing in the theater?

1. There’s Something About Mary (“working with retards”)

2. Wedding Crashes (a. “she was my first Asian”)

(b.”you motor-boatin’ son of a bitch”)

(c. “Ma…the Meatloaf”)

4. Kicking & Screaming (“break someone’s clavicle”)

5. Naked Gun (Leslie Nielsen back flipping all over)

Our own Naked Gun, Angry Ward, tomorrow.

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About Fake Sandy Alderson 175 Articles
Big Al Sternberg/Fake Sandy Alderson is from a not-so-nice part of Queens. But through grit and elbow-grease finds himself living on Long Island with his bride and twin 12-year-old sons. He is a sports encyclopedia... and a loose cannon. In fact, Michael Baron of blocked him on Twitter. You can find The Blocked One's Tweets here: @AldersonFake