NEW YORK, NY: The holidays are upon us and I gotta say, I’m pretty please with what Hanukkah Harry got me so far in the way of Jacoby Ellsbury, getting rid of Phil Hughes. So it got me kinda jolly and thinking about a few sports and celeb HO HO HO’s and I figured to keep it rounded out for the Jews and the Gentiles, I’d go the way of the jolly man and run down the list:
Derek Jeter may be a gentleman in not kissing and telling, but we can all guess what a HO HO HO Mariah Carey MAY have been. (You know what they say about crazy girls in the sack!) But these days, she’s jolly for all the wrong reasons. Though the caroling Carey made $1 Million (equivalent of an MtM Writer’s pay) to perform for the dictator of Angola, and this just five years after she took pay to sing for Libyan dictator, Moammar Khadafy. Bad form, you ho.
Sunday I caught the end of the New England Patriots/Miami Dolphins game. And though some here went to the DARK SIDE, most of us were rooting against the cheatin’ Pats. The end of the game saw the typical come from behind pattern for the Pats. Clock running out and completion after completion to march it down the field to apparent victory. Alas, the ‘fish’ (really Matt, dolphins are MAMMALS), DENIED them four times attempting to get in the end zone, the last time picking off Tom ‘My Wife is Tougher Than Me’ Brady and STUFFING him…putting a lot of jolly into my stocking a week early. HO HO HO, bitch!
Robinson Cano. Ho. Laughing all the way to the bank, but HO. ‘Nuff said.
Anyone notice how GOOD Christina Agullera looks lately? My kids love to watch The Voice, so in addition to watching Cee Lo ‘Midget Arms’ Green, I get to see XTina. She’s back in fighting form and wearing HO HO HO HOOOKER clothes. I like it.
And last… but not least… I am sad to report the passing of one of New York’s gems, and Jew extraordinaire, Al Goldstein. For those of you not old enough to remember NYC cable in the good ole days, Al Goldstein was an overweight, schlumpy Jewish guy who had a late night cable show called Midnight Blue. The show was an adult variety show, of sort.. with Al usually smoking a cigar and surrounded by a bevvy of T&A that was WAYYY out of his league. (So yes, they were HOs who liked the dolla’ bills.) Al started off in porn taking over the helm of Screw Magazine in the late sixties and followed the rise (hehe) of adult entertainment publishing and then entered (ew) into broadcasting with Midnight Blue. Sadly, with the times, his business, popularity and wealth waned, leading him to eventual homelessness and his death today at a nursing home. A Brooklyn born Jew, the NY Times best described Goldstein:
“a cartoonishly vituperative amalgam of borscht belt comic, free-range social critic and sex-obsessed loser who seemed to embody a moment in New York City’s cultural history: the sleaze and decay of Times Square in the 1960s and ‘70s.”
Rest In Peace Al Goldstein. Today’s hos owe you a debt of gratitude.
And with that, I’m awash in glitter, gonna don my platform shoes and pimp the weekend up. Ho ho ho!
P.s… Come back tomorrow for the MTM Ho, Junoir Blaber.