EL BARIO, BRONX – The time to celebrate the birth of our Lord (the white one) and Savior is near. With that, listen to the words of your Deacon Blaber and embrace Big Baby Jesus (the white one) in your hearts. Preaching from my bully pulpit, I can see what ails you, sporting masses, and today we’ll call upon the commercial aspect of Christmas to address your pain. Much of your collective pain was evident in my colleague Angry Ward’s article from Wednesday, which was so poignant, Mike Vaccaro of the NY Post basically used it yesterday. Yet I digress… Anyway, here’s how Jesus will enlist Santa (the white one) to make things right, fulfilling your New York Sports Teams Christmas Wishlist.
New York Football Giants: Though getting rid of Kevin Killdrive, um… I mean Gilbride… would be up there. The most important wish is that they score 3 quality offensive linemen. They don’t need just one, they need at least 3. I have said it before, Eli Manning looks more nervous than a battered wife hearing the husband come home and dinner’s not done. You can see the fear in his eyes.
New York Jets: If the Giants need a O-line, the Jets need a franchise QB. They can hope Geno Smith turns into the one that Mark Sanchez was suppose to be. As a Jets fan, I will flatly tell you that they have never had a franchise QB in my lifetime and my college loans (which I haven’t begun to pay in 10 years) will be paid in full by the time they get one.
New York Knicks: The Knicks fan base can have only one wish…. to be rid of the owner. James Dolan is the worst owner in sports. What makes it worse is he is deeply involved in the Knicks – but barely pays attention to the Rangers, who he also owns.
Brooklyn Nets: Kidd quits. They need Jason Kidd to step down and Lawrence Frank to take over. They have aging legends in Paul Pierce and Kevin Garnett – that if managed can be useful in the post-season. They have a Top 5 center in Brooks Lopez and the second highest paid player in guard Joe Johnson – one of the most consistent players in the league. They also have a top 8 point guard in Deron Williams. What they are lacking is the leadership of a good coach to bring it together. Nets Owner Mikhail Prokhorov may need to fire management.
New York Rangers: Check the milk cartons; the Rangers are looking for their missing guts. It seems that no matter who the coach is – John Tortorella or Alain Vigneault – this team lacks the fortitude to find the extra gear and the necessary grit to win when the pressure is on. They are struggling to even beat the Bruins! (Not mentioning the Islanders… damn, I did!)
New Jersey Devils: The wish is simply for the season to end. The Devils season was over before it began and they can only wish the off-season was here already.
New York Islanders: You would think it would be a big boost to be playing in Brooklyn. And you would be dead wrong. The Islanders wish is that one of the several – and I do mean several – draft picks (1st through 3rd round) actually pan out. They have been waiting to discovery their own Syd The Kid for nearly a decade now and can’t wait much longer. Are you listening John Tavares???
New York Yankees. A time machine that can take 5 years off of Derek Jeter and Mo Rivera so they can be useful again and take this team to the playoffs and win games.
New York Mets. Like the Knicks, it’s the ownership. It must be the orange and blue. The Metsies need some schmuck to buy the club from the Wilpons. The Fred & Jeff Show is a plague and until they are removed this team may never make playoffs again.
Bonus: Angry Ward. We are sure AW has plenty of stuff he could wish for, but number 1 would be for Mike Vaccaro to find his own ideas and stop riding Wardy’s creative coattails. At least Vaccaro agreed to buy beers.
— Mike Vaccaro (@MikeVacc) December 21, 2013
That is it for now, feel free to comment below and come back tomorrow for his royal pain in the ass-ness himself, Cheesy Bruin.