NEW YORK, NY – With the opening of the NFL regular season less than three weeks away, the warning bell has sounded for all of you degenerate gamblers to make MTM a required destination for sound investment advice. The record speaks for itself people–over 60% for the first two years I’ve been documented on our site. Watch the slush fund you keep from your wife/fiancée (yeah, you Short Matt!) grow with the following sure-fire over/under win totals.
I am a Dallas Cowboys fan from an older brother’s brainwashing and the fact I ate paint chips and played with asbestos. Now I only drink heavily as a result of the perennial 8-8 record and no playoffs for what seems like two decades. Joy comes only from beating the New York Giants at least once if not twice a year. Las Vegas has set 7 1/2 as the win total for a team who had a disastrous defense last year and lost it’s most dynamic defender (DE DeMarcus Ware) to free agency, MLB Sean Lee to yet another leg injury in OTAs, and CB Orlando Scandrick to a four-game suspension due to “Mollying” it up with his ex-girlfriend. On offense, the woes continue with a forever disgruntled star wide receiver Dez Bryant in the walk year of his contract to which I predict he will run. Worse yet is Tony Romo coming off of back surgery which the front office addressed by signing future HOFer Brandon Weeden to back up the first-string gimp. Winning starts at the top where Jerry Jones sits, need I go on? This organization and team sucks big green donkey dick! UNDER 7 1/2
There are quite a few smarmy head coaches to root against in today’s NFL which makes a team headed by a guy like Jeff Fisher so easy to root for. The current St. Louis Rams general gets more out of less whether talking about a healthy roster or one beset by injury. While he hasn’t had a winning season in five years getting the most out of his talent is testament to a football IQ broadened while serving under Ditka, Buddy Ryan, Seifert and John Robinson. Playing in the top-heavy NFC West, the Rams have managed seven wins in each of Fisher’s first two seasons and is worth much praise considering the absence of marquee names. Watch out for the Rams this year. They are one of my surprise teams who will cash against the Las Vegas point spread. OVER 7 1/2 wins.
Here’s one from the “it looks too easy” department. They play inside a division along with two doormats (Jacksonville and Tennessee) constantly in a state of flux and the forever underachieving Houston Texans who cleaned house by divorcing the marriage of HC Gary Kubiak and QB Matt Schaub. Replacing the pair are Bill O’Brien from Pedophile State University and Ivy League journeyman Ryan Fitzpatrick who almost always throws as many interceptions as touchdowns. The schedule includes play against two .500 type divisions (NFC East and AFC North). So why does a team like the Colts, who made the playoffs behind “The Natural” QB Andrew Luck, have an o/u of only 9 1/2 wins? Looks to good which is why you go UNDER 9 1/2.
Come back manana for a man that knows nothing about the NFL, DJ Eberle.
