Morally Opposed to Jeff Wilpon and the NY Mets

She's a girl! I hate her!
She's a girl! I hate her!
She’s a girl! I hate her!

FLUSHING, NY “I’m morally opposed to this woman having a baby out of wedlock. She’d make more money if she had a ring on her finger.”  “I am as morally opposed to putting an e-cigarette sign in my ballpark (but not by MLM scam Amway) as I am to Leigh having this baby without being married.”  “Do not rub her belly, Don’t ask how she’s doing. She’s not sick, she’s pregnant.”  The enlightened remarks of noted Mensa member and New York Mets COO Jeff Wilpon. Hate women much, Jeffy?

“Mr. Jeff Wilpon has decided that he’s going to learn how to run a baseball team and take over at the end of the year. Run for the hills, boys. I think probably all those baseball people will bail.”…former Mets principal owner Nelson Doubleday.

Fred's haughtiness on full display
Fred’s haughtiness on full display

“Why don’t you stop snapping at the waitress like that,” – Yours Truly in 1980 at the famed Scobee Diner on Little Neck Parkway – in response to Jeffy Wilpon’s attempts to humiliate a waitress who’d done the unthinkable by bringing him onion rings instead of fries with his cheeseburger deluxe.  His “friends” at his table (including the late Mark Madoff) were equally mortified by his behavior but wouldn’t call him on it.

Clearly there’s a pattern here. I’m not going to go so far as comparing Jeffy to another well known psychopathic narcissist Scott Peterson, but if the Hair Club for Men fits, well-infer as you wish. As a child, Little Jeffy Wilpon was raised to hate. He was sick and tired of the apocryphal stories his father told of having out-performed Sandy Koufax in High School. He was determined to hate his way through life. He was morally opposed to the fact that his parents failed to use contraception which would have otherwise precluded the existence of the Boy King. “I’m morally opposed to the idea that I was an accident; that I was conceived strictly for the purposes of one day running Daddy’s criminal enterprise.”  (Jeffy’s parents by the way, insist that they did in fact use contraception but wouldn’t comment on the record for this story) By age 9, Jeffy was marching into the Lake Success constable in search of a different set of parents.  He was morally opposed to the fact that he had to ride a (small) bus to school and was further perturbed that his classes at East Hills Elementary were saturated with at least 3 kids who didn’t look like anyone his parents had ever had over to his house in tony Roslyn.

Like Jeffy...another Fertilizer salesman
Like Jeffy…another Fertilizer salesman

Sometimes referred to as the Alex Kelly of the ownership set, little Jeffy was fond of sticking his nose into others’ business.  This was true at Roslyn High School where his leadership skills first appeared when leading the charge for valet parking for students. Since then, Jeffy has meddled and angered everyone who’s ever crossed his path.  From Frank Cashen to Al Harazin to Jim Duquette to Susan B. Anthony, Jeffy was a wad of dog poop you find underneath your shoe that you try getting off by sliding your shoe across grass or dirt only to find that the poop has actually made its way to the upper of the shoe and is now schmeared a little bit on your hand.  Yes, I am most certainly comparing Jeffy to dog shit. In this vein, Jeffy must know that as Met fans we are morally opposed to YOU!

We, are morally opposed to you running a fraudulent shell game…
To you and your Daddy being not just complicit with the Madoff Ponzi Scheme, but co-conspirators
To your treatment of women.
To your treatment of paying customers. You THINK you’re clever but your IEP back in Roslyn mentioned not just Narcissism, but also Aspergers and harming small animals for kicks.
To the thousands of widows and charities who lost everything when their life savings were stolen by feeder funds fed by and between your personal Uncle Bernie Ponzi accounts.
To your holding a public trust like the New York Mets baseball team hostage while you and Daddy figure out ways to own the team in perpetuity.
em>You are a small little man with no honor decency or character. As the great Russian warlord and Oil Gangster Mikael Prokhorov said of Jason Kidd.…don’t let the door hit you where the Good Lord split you. We want you out.
Regards, Decent people everywhere.

The very decent Angry Ward, tomorrow.

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About Fake Sandy Alderson 175 Articles
Big Al Sternberg/Fake Sandy Alderson is from a not-so-nice part of Queens. But through grit and elbow-grease finds himself living on Long Island with his bride and twin 12-year-old sons. He is a sports encyclopedia... and a loose cannon. In fact, Michael Baron of blocked him on Twitter. You can find The Blocked One's Tweets here: @AldersonFake