NFL Snow Jobs, Marshall Lynch Balls, Super Bowl Media Day

Richard Sherman miked up for the big game
I'm paid to play with Tom's balls.
I’m paid to play with Tom’s balls.

PHOENIX, AZ – As we ponder what will surface next from the NFL’s serious forensic investigation, those of us in the Tri- State area have hunkered down during “The Blizzard of 2015.” If your attempting to travel ANYWHERE in New York City, you may be shot on sight by the militia! And just when I thought the only State of Emergency for many of you was caused by Governor Chris Christie wearing that orange sweater, hugging it out with the Joneses of Dallas, Mayor de Blasio orders the Knicks & Nets off the court – assuring a win for fans!

So, where is the sports story today? Should I cover the NHL Skills Competition, the one called the All-Star Game?  With 29 goals scored, hockey players have now surpassed Pro Bowlers for lack of defensive effort and is a non-story.

What else is out there besides snow?

Well, due to my keen insight into the obvious, let’s start with Super Bowl Media Day!

With thousands of media from around the globe converging on University of Phoenix Stadium, there is no secret about what will be the hottest topic… Brady & Lynch Ball! One keeps deflating his and the other can’t stop grabbing his Skittles.

Meanwhile, the NFL sleuths have found their Person of Interest: the Infamous Patriot Ball Boy. Updates to follow.

What other questions may be popular during this media extravaganza? Here are some of mine:

Tom Brady:  Can you confirm or deny the rumors that your wife made you get hair plugs?

Gronkowski Angry_Ward Meet_The_MattsBill Belichick: “Will you accept Science Guy Bill Nye’s invitation to debate Global Warming and it’s effects on footballs?

Pete Carroll: “Do you realize that the American Dental Association warns that chewing too much gum can give you TMJ?

Rob Gronkowski (dancing with Angry Ward): “Will you be filming Dancing With the Stars this off-season?” Follow up: “Is it true that you have been asked to play John Blutarsky in the Animal House remake?

Marshawn Lynch (via interpreter): “Can you explain, in depth, what exactly Beast Mode is? Does it always end with a Michael Jackson crotch grab?

Vince Wilfork: “You do know that when they tell you to eat up runners, that it’s not meant literally, don’t you?

Richard Sherman: “How do you feel about testing the NFL’s newest miked up helmet in this years game?” Follow up: “Will you be doing your infamous sound effects from your Police Academy days?

Richard Sherman miked up for the big game
Richard Sherman miked up for the big game

LeGarrette Blount: “You holding?

I’m not sure if Small Matt received his press pass to this year’s event or if his flight was cancelled, so let’s hear what you would ask the players.

Come back tomorrow for Angry Ward and Day Two of our Blizzard Edition.

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About GrindingAx 135 Articles
"Grinding Ax" Walter Hynes (GAW) comes from the same Sports Royalty bloodlines as Short Matt... He's heaving hatchets off the heads of any deserving Sports Personalities... His favorite teams are the NY Rangers, Detroit Tigers, Dallas Cowboys, NY Jets and Manchester United... A suburban husband and father of two, Walter understands what it takes to be a second-guessing, sideline-heckling parent and coach.