Goof Balls and Curve Balls: Dr Diz on Lefties and Beer


FT. WORTH, TX – It’s that time of year where an old man’s mind starts to wander… to daydream… to think about nicer things.

Booze and baseball.

Yep, time for spring training and then opening day, aided  and abetted by two of the nations three favorite drinkin’ holidays….St. Patrick’s Day and Cinco de Mayo.


And no, New Year’s Eve is not the bronze in the troika of inebriation fests… The third is Halloween, where we all get to get stupid in funny costumes and try to get laid with devils and french maids by attempting to be super hero’s and such.

Down here in Tejas, the festivities have been somewhat interrupted by some very bad news for the supporters of Rangers baseball.  Yu Darvish, ace pitcher from the land of the rising sun, had his elbow turn to macaroni.  Tommy John surgery.  Out for a year.  Maybe year and a half. Bummer.

Matt_Harvey Daniel_Murphy Rangers_Game Meet_The_Matts
Did someone say Rangers and Baseball?!

Must drink. Heavily. And change Fantasy Team.  Now.

poag mahone's ft. worthWe’ll be drinking toasts to Yu next week at Poag Mahone’s, Oscar’s Pub, Pop’s, Fred’s, and several other joints in the Fort as we stumble around West 7th.  St. Patrick’s Day is a so-so holiday here.  Fun , but not the big deal that it is in NY or Beantown.  Funny thing is, the oldest St. Patrick’s Day parade and celebration in the state of NY is not the NYC version….it’s Buffalo.  

A drinking town with a football problem.

There are quite a few other berg’s that really do up St. Pat’s right…Savannah and New Orleans down South, Philly and Pittsburgh in the Keystone state, Chi-town, St. Louis and KC in the mid west, and San Fran, Portland and Seattle out west.  Now that they’ve changed the dope laws,  Seattle can have a whole new version of the wearin’ of the green.

It's the most wonderful time of the year....the Big Easy breaks it Lenten vows
It’s the most wonderful time of the year….the Big Easy breaks it Lenten vows

Yu’s place as ace of the Ranger’s staff will be taken by Derrick Holland.  Holland is a lefty with good stuff…. and comes from a long line of lefties who can be nicely classified as “free spirits.” In other word’s, he’s a bit of a goofball.  Spent most of last season on the disabled list – because he wrecked his knee when he fell over his dog. Looks like he’s about 18, 16 when he grows his dweeb mustache.

Yet, the weight of the franchise rests upon his shoulders.  Thus, soon after the season starts, Rangers’ fan’s will probably be “celebrating” Cinco de Mayo.  Cinco de Mayo is a classic drinking holiday.  It celebrates a great Mexican victory over an invading French army. Except they ended up losing the war.  I mean, if that does not drive you to drink, what will?

Texas Rangers fans wearing George W. and Laura Bush masks wait for the start of Game 4 of MLB's World Series between the Rangers and the Giants in Arlington, TexasWith our long border with Mexico, and the fact that we stole Texas from Mexico fair and square, the holiday is celebrated with great relish in these parts.  Given that it’s Cinco, the sorry state of the Ranger’s staff, and the fact that the sun rises in the East, I suspect a good part of Ranger fandom will be getting Tequila drunk.

Now, that’s a special kind of drunk.  It ain’t beer: “I love ya buddy,” drunk….  It ain’t wine: “I love ya, Honey,” drunk… It’s more like “Hey, let’s go rob the liquor store, yeee haaaw!” drunk.

oh, you just drive me crazy....
oh, you just drive me crazy….

And it seems that we’re gonna need it.

But who knows.  Maybe Holland will strap on his boots and lead the Rangers to salvation like some other great wing nut pitchers.  Like Dizzy Dean.  Or good old Doc Ellis, who pitched a no hitter on LSD.

And for those looking for an early fix, college ball has started.  ESPN will be featuring the #2 TCU Horned Frogs in a Big 12 match up versus Baylor this weekend – which the Dr. Diz will be attending.

For TCU, maybe a special season.  For the Rangers, hope springs eternal.

As for your Dr Diz? I wasn’t born for diggin’ deep holes, I’m not good for pavin’ long roads…I’m looking forward to doing what I do best: Being at the ballpark…  and drinkin’ a beer.

P.s… Come back tomorrow for Junoir Blaber, if he doesn’t get “over-served” again.

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About Dr. Diz 50 Articles
Doc Diz resides in Fort Worth, Texas for the past 15 years. When not playing old boys rugby or skiing, he is known for sampling Maker's Mark for its medicinal qualities. A native of Connecticut, the Doc has managed to move around enough to have lived in all four US time zones, which has allowed him to get a little perspective from west of the Hudson where guns, drilling for oil and gas and Big Gulp soda pops are still legal.