Does Negative Nelly Pick Mets or Yanks?

Mets or Yanks?

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The New York Mets have twice as many wins as they do losses. The New York Yankees have twice as many losses as they do wins. But really, which team is better? Who should their respective fans get behind?  Who does Negative Nelly Pick; Mets or Yanks?

The Yankees are relying heavily on CC Sabathia, who was on the mound last night for the first time since May 10 of last year and gave up four runs in the second inning. He’s the #2 two starter behind a guy that will be on the DL with season-ending surgery by June 1st. We’ll be selling Tanaka Last t-shirts – (a misinterpretation of Binaca’s new Tanaka Blast spray by his interpreter).

Offensively, their DH Alex Rodriguez hit a homer but he’s batting… get this… second. That’s a broken down Zamboni setting the table with Bel-tron in the 3-hole and Tex cleaning up. This easily makes for the oldest/most brittle Murmurers Row in the history of the game. (Defibrillator Night will be huge!) With somebody named Didi on 2nd base in the 7th and the Bronx Brittles down by two, A-Rod swung at – and missed – three consecutive pitches in the bottom of the 7th. *For Whom The Bel-tron Tolls followed with an inning ending K of his own.

Strasberg Alien Meet_The_MattsDid we mention that Chris Young is their starting leftfielder? CHRIS YOUNG! It will get late in the season very early at The House That Greed Built. And that warms this pundit’s heart.

But what of the Senior Circuit squad in Queens? Are they any good? Sure, they took the opening series – on the road no less – from a Washington Nationals team that has simply owned them for the past two seasons. And they did it by beating Max Scherzer (ck. $pelling) and Men In Black IV character Ears Z. Kraut in the rubber match, while the crude hometown fans yelled, “Go Nads!” without censor.


Mets Rheingold coaster Meet_The_MattsThe offensive, outside of Lucas Duda, is going to scare nobody. The hits they mustered up in their big inning yesterday were of the dink, squib and chop variety – and aided by some shoddy defense by a Washington team playing without three starters. Jason Bay Granderson, who got off the schneid after an abysmal start, is inexplicably leading off. Duffy Cuddyer had a couple of his, then K’d in his last three at-bats – after Ears was out. David Wright is batting 2nd and Wilmer Flores, who is only in the lineup because of his alleged bat,  batted 9th – behind pitcher Jake deGromb on Wednesday. None of this was done in Spring Training.

Wilmer_Flores behind Jacob_deGrom Meet_The_Matts
“Now, Wilmer… you leave the hitting to the pitchers.”

This is all very disconcerting. If it’s Terry Collins’ doing, he’s an idiot. But the lineup is likely being handed down from the most undeservedly over-hyped GM in the history of baseball, Sandy Alderson. What’s even scarier is what Collins did with Frankenalderson’s lineup in that 2nd game. With one out and runners on first and second, he had #8 hitter deGromb bunt! Why the frogging bunk tile would you have a pitcher that you’ve insulted your all-wood, no-leather shortstop with, bunt in that situation?!

Enter Matt Harvey. Sure, he’s seems like a bit of a jerkball but he could very well be a cool guy in person. But if he pitches like he did yesterday, striking out the likes of Bryce Harper three times in crappy conditions, anything short of pedophilia will be perfectly acceptable. He’s the stud pitcher in New York, right up there with Seaver, Gooden, Guidry, Clemens and Sidd Finch.

So who is the better ball club for the 2015 campaign? Both squads have huge questions regarding health. And both have dysfunction within the organization: Sandy/Wilpons/Debt to Tommy John, A-Rod/Steinbrenners/aforementioned interpreter. But the difference is that that Mets have more talented youth on their side and the overall age is significantly lower. And that’s why this Negative Nelly picks… the Mets over the Yanks this year.

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*Ask not for whom the Bel-tron tolls, Yankee fans… for it tolls for thee.

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