CINCINNATI, OH – See? Right out of the gate #Cleveland doesn’t even get the respect of this article’s orign. And we’re not even in Cincinnatah. But why would we, as died-in-the-orange/blue-wool NY sports fans, give a Brown thing about this barren, depressing, fiscally-challenged, perennial black hole for professional sports? Good question. It’s likely because as lifelong Mets fans, we know pain. But that’s just one sport. We’ve got the Giants, Rangers and Knicks to pick us up and help us shake off our Mets Delirium Tremens… Well, at least the Giants and Rangers. But Cleveland? They have the Best Sports Fans. Period. They keep going back “for more” to each of their 3 professional teams: their beloved Browns, their ill-named Indians and their cataclysmic Cavaliers. Let’s take a look.
Cleveland Browns: As we were feeling sorry for ourselves this morning after seeing that Different Matt morphed into Missing Matt, eschewing his pundit duties to frolic in Dubai, we began scanning the web, looking for something to write about. First thing? And another story about Johnny Manziel. Apparently, his off-season regimen does not include throwing passes and going to the gym. Instead, he’s allegedly taken up boxing, as in the boxing eardrums of a young lady from Texas. We had an immediate reaction: it must really suck to be a Cleveland Browns fan. In fact, we tweeted our sentiments.
Without any ties to #Cleveland or emotional stake whatsoever, we feel for #Browns fans. One word: “Ugh.”… https://t.co/wSGmIOLBzS
— Meet The Matts (@MeetTheMatts) February 19, 2016
Even the Bills will win a Super Bowl before the Browns. Sorry Vikings fans, it’s not in the cards for you, either.
Cleveland Indians: You know it is just a matter of time before this team gets renamed. Bank on it. If we weren’t bald and our scalps were actually worth something, we’d bet them that the move to a more politically correct name happens in the next 7 years… ironically under President The Donald (his choice of titles). That aside, this team will not win a World Series in the next 50 years .
Cleveland Cavaliers: This is arguably the toughest relationship for a fan. You finally have the arm of the beautiful woman you have been embarrassing yourself for but know she can opt out of your relationship and leave you for some really rich guy named Carmelo in New York. Hell, she’s already smashed your heart to bits once before! Or have you repressed/forgotten when she left you for that guy Wade in Miami? She is the most cavalier of Cavaliers, and you are in for the granddaddy of all heartbreaks; a loss in your city’s final Finals trip.
So stop feeling sorry for yourself sports fans, even you people in Minnesota, Detroit and Buffalo don’t have it as badly as somebody in Cleveland. Indeed, Ohio’s Mistake on the Lake has The Best Sports Fans.
Come back tomorrow for a man that could own Cleveland, Junoir Blaber.