NEW YORK, NY – Happy St. Paddy’s Day! While faux Irish revelers barf in buckets on our *boulevards, some of us legit Irish scoff at the amateurs misrepresenting our Irish roots! But who are we kidding? Despite Mattville having a gaggle of pretentious Irish sports fanatics who will feign indignation over their view that this day is unworthy of their spit, we dare say it looks like fun out there. But because we can shovel it with the best of them, we can smell it as well… and there’s a foul odor wafting from the green river and streets of Chicago… because Adam LaRoche is Full of Blarney!
In case you missed it, this SOP (Son of a Pitcher; former MLB pitcher Dave) is toying with retirement, and walking away from 13 million dollars, because he can’t bring his kid to the ballpark every day. This has placed White Sox GM in a lose-lose situation, as you know the Nerds Of Social Media will crucify him for his treating this like… a GM.
Maybe, just maybe, LaRouche started celebrating his pretend Irish ancestry a few days early and was O’Hammered, and will wake up tomorrow not believing what he said he was going to do… we hope so. For if he wasn’t hammered or kidding, Adam LaRoche looks to us not as a devout family man and Father of All Fathers. Instead he comes across a privileged, rich jackass that has lost touch of reality because he never has dealt with the realities of life 99% of us must face 24/7.
How dare we, right? How dare we question this fine young father’s gutsy stand?! Puh-lease. Like Kenny Williams said, the kid isn’t banned from the clubhouse – he just can’t be there every day! Think about that. Think about just being able to take your kid JUST ONCE into a MLB clubhouse. Once. Now think about 13 million dollars… and walking away from it because you can’t bring Entitled, Jr. in there every day.
Do any of you think your father would do such a thing? “Son, if you can’t come to work with me EVERY DAY, then I am not going! And to blazes with the king’s ransom I could change lives with that I’m going to pass up!”
No way that would happen. Sorry folks, but we’re calling bullspit on this day and calling a spade a spade: Adam LaRoche is Full of Blarney… and will take the 13 million and his .207 average back to Chicago’s south side this season. Watch.
If you feel froggy (appropriately green) leap in below with a comment and have yourselves a Happy St. Paddy’s Day.
P.s… *Does Manhattan have boulevards? Name two.