Grinding Ax: The Hugest Super Bowl Ever! Brady, Dr Evil, Nancy Pelosi, Matty Ice

HOUSTON, TX –  As we prepare for another Super Bowl, the curiosity is simply poking holes in my large Irish ceann (Gaelic for head).

Will Luke Bryan nail the National Anthem?  What will the billions of people think about the 2017 version of Peaches and Herb halftime performance?  Will Tony Bennett ( brought to you by Depends) survive the show?  Will Lady Gag Me piss off the fans of the Electoral College by spewing  incoherent venom towards the good ole USA as she flirts onstage with a man older than the NFL?

It’s going to be HUGE!

Is Nancy Pelosi going to streak across the field during a Brady Red Zone drive with Santuary City scrolled across her sagging a$$?  Will President Trump use the word HUGE more than ten times in his pre-game interview with Bill O’Reilly? 

These questions are actually bigger than the game itself!  Just like an election, there will be a winner at the end of this spectacular event. Who are you thinking?  Tom Brady, Dr. Evil Belichick or Arthur Blank and Matty Ice Ryan? 

And the winner is?  The NFL and Roger Goodell . The league secured a 27 Billion dollar deal back in 2011 with Fox, NBC and CBS . Tack on multi billions more with ESPN and Direct TV and you have a cash bonanza. President Trump should sign up Goodell for Secretary of the Treasury! We would be out of debt in no time.  Just imagine for a minute visiting Washington DC with the family and checking out the Microsoft Lincoln Memorial, Goldman Sachs Capital or the Google Supreme Court.  The possibilities are endless and the cash from sponsorships, season tickets and daily passes would be HUGE!

Another idea would be to create an experience on the National Mall akin to the NFL Experience.  Family fun games like Chasing Down the Conservatives where you rent paint ball guns to hunt and shoot anyone with a red tie while you wear Hillary and Bill Clinton masks! Sounds like one hell of a good time!

Maybe you want to play Senate Filibuster where you can practice your oratorical skills while accomplishing nothing!  Ideas are countless!

Now back to this year’s game. It’s going to be The Biggest Super Bowl Ever! Huge!  Bigger than any game under the previous administration.

If the New England Patriots win, I can envision Tom Brady refusing to answer questions from CBS, NBC or ABC.  He will call them Fake Sports News!

My prediction is Atlanta wins 38-31. 

Chime in and follow me at @GrindingAxWalt on Twitter. Cheesy Bruin is up tomorrow with your Super Bowl winning strategy. 

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About GrindingAx 135 Articles
"Grinding Ax" Walter Hynes (GAW) comes from the same Sports Royalty bloodlines as Short Matt... He's heaving hatchets off the heads of any deserving Sports Personalities... His favorite teams are the NY Rangers, Detroit Tigers, Dallas Cowboys, NY Jets and Manchester United... A suburban husband and father of two, Walter understands what it takes to be a second-guessing, sideline-heckling parent and coach.