MANASQUAN, NJ – While The New York Yankees do their best imitation of their neighbors from Queens, I believe it’s time to look forward, don’t you? NFL football has managed, once again, to “trump” even the Real Trump, by suspending the leagues best running back, Ezekiel Elliott of the Dallas Cowboys. Let’s face it, which news story is more compelling? Kim Jong-un and his band of bad haircut wranglers have less of a chance to hit the USA with one of their nuclear pea shooters than Small Matt has trying to dunk on Dikembe Mutombo.
While President Trump calls out Long Duck Dong, Giant fans are ecstatic over the news that Jerry’s Kids will be without their most dangerous weapon.
No Cowboys fan can deny that Zeke is a total moron with the maturity of a first year college fraternity pledge. His antics at Dallas’ Saint Patrick’s Day Parade did nothing to enhance his reputation. Perhaps he thought it was Mardi Gras? The Fuhrer Roger Goodell and his Shadow Government have concluded that Elliott has violated the leagues policy of no slapping your b*tches! While the Columbus, Ohio Authorities dropped all charges against the star running back, Goodell’s team concluded that the evidence against Elliott was compelling enough to park his dumb-ass for six games. This creates a debate over consistency with the NFL policies.
Domestic violence should never be tolerated. There needs to be defined laws and consequences in the real world and the NFL. Anyone guilty of this heinous behavior should be suspended for an entire season and repeat offenders banished. Perhaps a published list handed out to the players every pre-season would improve their behavior.
For example:
Black Eye: 6 Games
Fat Lip: 2 Games
Broken Nose, Arms or Legs: Entire Season
Murder: Lifetime Ban!
It will be interesting to see how the Cowboys address this situation if the evidence proves to be true. Will they continue to draft and sign moral misfits?
Would you sign Ezekiel Elliot if you were a GM?
Regardless, Eli Manning and the Giants of Rutherford have been handed an early Christmas gift. Big Al Sternberg must be smiling!
But can Big Blow handle the pressure of being the favorite to win the NFC?
Can Dennis Rodman Save The World? While his Bad Hair Club For Men buddy decides whether or not he dies via suicide by Trump, maybe Rodman can talk him down from this cliff.
Let’s hear your thoughts!
Go to the 3:38 mark to see Short Matt’s answer about dunking:
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