MOUNT SINAI – No, we’re not hosting today’s exchange from what is more commonly known as Jabal Musa – the mountain in Egypt’s Sinai Peninsula. That’s the possible location of the biblical Mount Sinai, the place where Moses Malone received the Ten Commandments. Indeed, we are reporting [virtually] from the famed NYC hospital, as per our man Cheesy Bruin underwent 6 hour of surgery to remove a softball-sized tumor from his throat. That is not a misprint. Nor is it a a typo, exaggeration, prevarication or any kind of poetic license. More on that later but this whole thing, while tough to swallow (too soon?), and the Cheese Man’s inevitable 3rd consecutive victory over Commandant Cancer (TM), inspired today’s headline… Improbable Comebacks from Worst Sports Injuries, Lou Gehrig & GOAT.
Let’s begin.
SOFTBALL IN THE THROAT
We touched upon this above but Jesus H. Christ, talk about a person playing through injury! Rich Perlongo, known in these parts as Cheeseman, @CheesyBruin and Hugh P. Ness (maybe not that one) is goddamn tough. He was complaining in recent weeks about having difficulty swallowing his food. Thought it was a sore throat. This is a man, mind you, that has had pieces of his body, including part of his tongue and thigh, “relocated.” Sure, there are rumors that the mob lopped off the oral part of his tongue because he’s a kid from the Bronx that loves the Dallas Cowboys and Boston Bruins (see above right). And really, even Cheesy would accept that. It’s not true, however, and the remaining pharyngeal (back part of tongue) allows him to talk. Granted, he may sound like a really drunk Polish guy that has difficulty conjugating. But it works and it helps immensely to drink when we’re together, as that makes understanding each other easier somehow. Even when we comprehend him, though, we’ll respond with, “What?” – just to break balls.
And BALLS are what this is all about! The coconuts in Cheesy Bruin’s skivvies are enormous. None bigger. Anywhere. For a guy that didn’t smoke, this was his third major cancer surgery. He wrote about this earlier in the week and likened to the Best Boxing Trilogies. Yeah, you got that right, he wrote about this unjust, insidiously cruel “three’s the charm,” World War III equivalent, just days before going under the knife… To entertain us! Think about the rub-some-dirt-on-it toughness that requires. A goddamn softball in the throat. That’s Lou Gehrig stuff, folks, without the social media clout. The Iron Horse (formally known as Heinrich Ludwig Gehrig), was taken from the world way too soon. They still haven’t solved that alien disease but at least with cancer, you’ve got a good shot. But it ain’t pretty.
The surgeries border on barbaric; stuff that hearkens back the Tower Of London and unimaginable torture techniques. Ah, English ingenuity. But Cheesy’s guy at Mt. Sinai, Dr. Eric Genden, is top-notch. He’s seen it all. Well, until yesterday. Doc Genden (which sounds a lot like Doc Gooden) had never seen anything close to that big in the throat. It’s the greatest of all such tumors. And that’s where this story ends and Rich’s once improbable- but now inevitable – return to the MTM rotation begins.
Cheesy Bruin and his now-removed, esophagus-crowding softball thus removed, make him the GOAT of Mount Sinai. Mover over, Moses.
Please leave your comments below and comeback tomorrow for our Babe Dahlgren, Cam James.
