SHOHOLA, PA – I have nothing ground-breaking to report, other than it’s been a week since my doctor put me on thicker consistency liquids. Shakes, smoothies and I’ve even snuck in some beer in recovery from my most recent surgery. That was four weeks ago and it’s been three days in graduating to puddings, mashed potatoes and the like, which has seen me gain nine pounds in ten days and leaves me five pounds shy of my pre-op 209lbs. There’s no blaming any one thing for shoveling food into my pie hole but the nerve-racking games of the Stanley Cup normally keep calories at bay. Food intake always gives way to more alcohol consumption and overall drunkenness when the Bruins get bounced. But…
What are we left with as a sports reboot is still a month away?
There are current events that conjure up potential events for the NBA and they aren’t necessarily pleasant. Shooting percentages are on the rise in NYC and it has nothing to do with the Knicks — city denizens can only hope the pistol-wavers shoot with Ken “The Animal” Bannister accuracy to keep the death toll down. Daily fireworks shows across the boroughs are the perfect camouflage for a few rounds from a Glock or .45. Bricks are slang for wild shots that hit the backboard with great reverberation but are now the chosen object for lawlessness griping the nation.
Then there’s the new baseball rules I saw on the rolling ticker at the bottom of the MLB Network last week and I lost my shit. Starting extra innings with a man on second base? Frogging ridiculous. There’s no good explanation for this whatsoever. Memo to the Commissioner: you’re alienating your largest demographic, the purist/traditionalist, by screwing with the game in silly fashion. This one is right up there with participation trophies and is a reason why this world is so f***ed up right now. Be careful what your sport is headed for, Mr. Manfred.
With this idiotic rule, if I’m an owner I’d go out and sign Usain Bolt to a contract and watch him steal third aided by a righty bat at the plate. The team gets three shots at getting the Fastest Man in the World home for an almost instant win, provided I have a strong closer. This rule makes anti-shift legislation look tame. I’m this close to dismissing MLB the same way I cast the NBA aside.
I’m done. I gotta eat something. Potato pudding sounds about right.