NOTE: Today’s column may be POTUS-esque in it’s usage of the personal pronoun “I.”
NEW YORK, NY – Being right when everyone else is wrong is never easy. You have to be tough. Tough enough not waver in your convictions, even when you’re in the sights of an angry, tar-n-feather or burn-him-he’s-a-witch crowd. Well, I don’t call myself “Nails” when I’m alone for no reason. I do it because I’m tough. Tough enough to tell you all -AGAIN – that I was right about the Houston Astros and I was right about Clayton Kershow. Only a tough-as-nails type can type this and with that, here’s today’s slate: MLB Playoffs: Astros Mocking Cheaters Label, Kershaw Choker Tag Hex
Astros Mocking Cheaters Label
Anyone remember moi telling you all that the Astros and Red Sox scandals were being blown completely out of proportion? Don’t fret, I’ll remind you. See, since Buddy Diaz and Cam James prematurely hung up their cleats, I’m the only one on the MTM Staff that actually plays baseball. For that reason alone I am the authority on all things baseball. Further, I still play ice hockey, tennis and rugby. This curriculum vitae allows for not just a little pontificating when it comes all of sports but for the moment, I’ll keep it to baseball… For those of you that don’t know, hitting a baseball is the single most difficult athletic achievement in all of sports. Sorry golfers, your balls are stationary and nobody is screaming things about your mother as you’re trying to hit. Flashbulbs? No f*cking way, Tiger. So what does my exemplary baseball career have to do with the Astros? Plenty. Houston is proving that knowing what’s coming is overrated, as they vanquish the Tampa Bay Devil Rays in the ALCS. I said it over and over again that knowing what’s coming doesn’t matter 99% of the time in baseball. As a batter, the game is built on failure. Further, the cheating system implemented by the Sox and Strohs was rudimentary at best. It wasn’t Belichickian. Combining and implementing Scientific Method, the Degree of Difficulty, Error Quotient & Propensity To Fail, I am confident that Boston and Houston would have won their respective World Series titles with or without the minuscule edge knowing what was coming bore. Question: Is Houston winning now because they are cheating or because they are just good?
And now, before continuing with our today’s programming, a recommendation for a clever, simple and entertaining movie:
Back to your regular programming.
Kershaw Choker Tag Hex
Talk about a guy that needs to learn how to cheat! Clayton Edward Kershaw needs to do what I do when I pitch: stand 4 inches in front of the rubber and take an extra step to the plate. Sure, the umpires in his league are a tad better than those in Queens Alliance but Jesus Christ Alou, it worth a shot. Even if The Choker of Chavez Ravine did discover some kind of sordid advantage, it wouldn’t matter. Why? I’m glad you asked. It’s the pall of the Choker Tag Hex that looms over the Los Angles Dodgers of Brooklyn, NY. Indeed, it’s payback for gutting NYC and breaking our collective baseball hearts on a rainy October night in 1957. But this is not news to many of you as I have spun the tale of The Curse of O’Malley many a day here in Mattville. Karma is a bitch, bitches. No offense.
On that note, please comment below and bet your mortgage on Cheesy Bruin’s FREE NFL Picks tomorrow.
In the meantime… I am here for you.
