NEW YORK, NY – Happy New Year. This column was going to be about all the positives a new year would bring… 
Then I got a text from Cam James saying “You’ve been hacked.” Not by him, that would have been okay. Instead it was by someone named rickytietjen. (see the photo) That was NOT a good way to wake up on New Year’s Day to start a year, so the “Here We Come, Twenty One!” theme changed to reflect a reflection, if you will, utilizing an already-beaten-to-death pun. Sports Mulligans For Bat-Eating, Kobe, J-E-T-S, Cano, NBA Draft.
BAT-EATING
This sport made world stop and take notice and while it’s not really a sport – I’m looking at you Bowling, Darts, Poker, Corn-Hole & NASCAR – it certainly had the agony of defeat. In hindsight and wearing my newly minted MTM 2020 Goggles (think Kareem and Sabo here), I would be in Wuhan and, as the first “player” put that mammal of the Chiroptera order to his lips, swat that horseshoe bat to the floor with a firm, “Guy, you are NOT eating that, Guy.”
KOBE BRYANT
Granted, L.A. traffic will drive anyone batty (see what I did there?) but this usage of private flying machines by professional sports stars and Hollywood types can go catastrophically wrong. While I felt Kobe got a away with sexual harassment – at the very least – I didn’t want to see him die a tragic death with his daughter. I’d go back and get him out of the helicopter and into a Tesla limo.
J-E-T-S
As a New York Football Giants fan, Big Blue’s little green brother it is just fun watching as they implode over and over in new and refreshing ways. Yet, I wouldn’t change a thing. I’d go back simply to ensure they did everything exactly the same.
ROBINSON CANO
The best news of 2020 for this bitter, bald Mets fan was that Cano tested positive again and suspended for a year. That meant an unforeseen wad of cash would be available to get JT Realmuto, Trevor Bauer and Nolan Arenado. Granted, they only have Jimmy McCann inked so far, but Ya Gotta Believe they ain’t done yet. Anyway, I would go back and tip-off the PED Police that Cano was cheating before Spring Training.
NBA DRAFT LOTTERY
The Knicks were in a great position going into the NBA Draft Lottery. They had more balls than they could hold and a ton of salary cap space. Surely they would get a pick higher than #8. But no, there was no Pat Ewing [alleged] draft tinkering here. Meanwhile, no big name free agents were reeled in and Knickerbockers settled for Obi Toppin. Hey, he could turn out to be a solid player but he just about as exciting as the aforementioned James McCann in terms of radical roster remakes. I’d go back and give those balls another shake. Cough, please.
REPLACEMENT MATT
His battle cancer has been documented on this site and like Cheesy Bruin, we all know he’ll kick this thing’s ass. I’d go back and be there the day he found out, just to give him a hug. That, of course, would have been okay had I knocked that bat out of that hungry Wuhanian.
That’s just a handful, feel free to add your ideas on 2020 or thought on 2021. And be sure to comeback for Cheesy Bruin, who can’t wait to start ’21 with 4 winning money-makers in his Cheesy Bruin’s Free NFL Picks.
