Ban Stupidity: Welcome To Yankee Stadium, I’m Stupid!

A Hauser, a Boss and a Baker walk into a bar...

BRONX, NY  – On February 7, 1996, Pulitzer Prize nominee Thomas Hauser and his girlfriend Nancy Bronson were part of a crew which included Jim Brown and Muhammad Ali, who were invited to meet President Bill Clinton in the Oval Office. At the last second, Hauser and Bronson were replaced by Zina Garrison and Calvin Hill. When Ali heard the news he told Hauser, “Stay by me, I’ll get you into the White House.” They took the chance and showed up, even though they knew they were probably wasting their time. An official at the White House explained to Hauser that he and his girlfriend did not clear security, and ignored the fact that he was with Ali.

Hauser and Bronson were told to wait in the Roosevelt Room, as Ali and the rest of the crew were led into the Oval Office to meet with Clinton. The official pushed his authority one more time towards Hauser by telling him, “There is no way you’re getting inside the Oval Office.” Common sense took a back seat, as the official stuck his chest out.

Two decades earlier in the South Bronx, Yankees legend Joe DiMaggio showed up to the Will Call window before Game One of the 1977 World Series. “The Yankee Clipper” was scheduled to throw out the first pitch before the Yankees-Dodgers game. The employee behind the window informed DiMaggio that there was nothing in his name for him. “Joltin’ Joe,” who was a man of dignity, simply jolted away. Again, common sense took a back seat, as the employee either had no knowledge of the Yankees legend, or no knowledge at all.

There’s are so many more of these idiotic anecdotes, but I’ll only give you one more:
-When Dusty Baker was managing the Cincinnati Reds back in 2012, he showed up to Gate 2 of Yankee Stadium hours before his team’s game. He was told by a security guard that the fans are allowed in two hours before the game. Baker informed the guard that he was the Reds manager, and again the guard told Baker the gates open two hours prior to the first pitch. Once again, common sense was left behind the gate.

The main question here is: Who hires these morons? Do they qualify because they’re breathing? These imbeciles would deny George Steinbrenner entry if he was still alive. And speaking of George, he was livid when he found out about the DiMaggio snub.

Aristostle “Mugsy” Sakellaridis

The Boss needed to cool down, so he grabbed his bat boy at the time, Ray Negron, and went for a ride around Jerome Avenue. He surveyed the neighborhood with its burned down tenements and decayed surroundings. He asked Ray, “How could they live like this?” Ray responded, “It’s how I live.”

There was a Hispanic man walking with his ten-year-old son, and George had his driver stop the vehicle to talk to them. He picked the father’s brain about his thoughts of the Yankees in the neighborhood. George then reached in his pocket and tried to give the man a fifty dollar bill. The kind man with the boy refused George’s gesture. The Boss insisted he take the bill and to consider it a consultation fee. Steinbrenner then asked the man to be his guest at that night’s Game 1, and to bring his son so he could throw out the ceremonial first pitch. In George’s mind, the youngster would represent the N.Y. Yankees fans. All this happened because of an employee’s stupidity.

Dusty Baker eventually got into the ballpark, when another guard recognized him. As for Hauser and his girlfriend, which began this story, it took ten minutes for Ali to perform his magic. “The People’s Champ” came out of the Oval Office escorted by President Clinton and walked right to Hauser and Bronson. He introduced them both to Clinton. The President gave them his undivided attention and the day was complete.

I could just imagine the White House official scratching his nuts after he spent some time searching for them. Everyone who’s been to an event has dealt with stupidity. In this day and age where common sense is no longer common, the time is now to Ban Stupidity. The best way to do it? Stay home.

That’s all for me, feel free to leave your Sports Stupidity story or just talk sports below. And come back tomorrow for Common Sense man, Junoir Blaber.

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About Aristotle "Mugsy" Sakellaridis 17 Articles
Aristotle "Mugsy" Sakellaridis is the junkiest of baseball junkies. He plays in 4 leagues, well past his 40th birthday, and spends the winter in Florida shagging flies at Yankees minor league complexes. He's also a retired Riker's Island police officer - having worked the night shift for 20+ years.