Angry Ward: Super Bowl Prop Bets

Angry Ward, RIHANNA, Andy Reid, Super Bowl Prop Bets, Mets, NFL, Meet-The-Matts, Ward Calhoun, #GoogleAlerts
Angry Ward, RIHANNA, Andy Reid, Super Bowl Prop Bets, Mets, NFL, Meet-The-Matts, Ward Calhoun, #GoogleAlerts

NEW YORK, NY – The Super Bowl is coming, and there’s nothing we can do to stop it. I have zero rooting interest in either of these teams, but I suppose I’ll pull a tiny bit more for KC because Eagles fans are mostly the worst. Still, like everyone else, I’ll watch. It will be a mirthless affair filled with terrible numbers in my box pool, commercials I don’t care about, Doritos, and bourbon. When all is said and done one team will be champion and another Sunday will lay at my feet, good and murdered. Still… how about some bets? Here are some fresh new props just released today… here… on this site.

Chiefs Receivers Touchdowns. Over/Under 0

Andy Reid Nose Picking. Over/Under 6

How Long Before Racist Eagles Fans Turn on Jalen Hurts? Over/Under 1.5 years

How Many of Rihanna’s Halftime Songs Will I NOT Know. Over/Under 4 (psst… bet the over)

Domestic Violence at Your House? Odds: EVEN

Number of Times Kevin Burkhardt Mentions the Mets. Over/Under 1

Short Matt Gets Drunk. Vegas is not taking action on this, as it’s considered a mortal lock.

Will You Know the Person Singing the National Anthem? Yes: +140 No -140 I Won’t Be Watching the National Anthem -1000

In-Game Texts From Friends You’ll Respond To. Over/Under 6

Angry Ward Shuts off Game to Watch Hot Dog: The Movie. -200

What Color Will Short Matt’s Next-Day Hangover Puke Be? a) Yellow b) Olive Drab c) Orange d) Earth-Toned

Post-Super Bowl Sex with Significant Other? Odds: Slim to None… and Slim just left town, Jack.

Mecole Hardman Wins MVP. Just seeing if you’re still paying attention.

JG Clancy Chili Cheese Dog Consumption. Over/Under 4

Patrick Mahomes Gives Eric Bieniemy the Stink Eye. Odds: EVEN

Annoying Tom Brady Mentions. Over/Under 7

Angry Ward Wednesday Column Word Count. Over/Under 305

That’s all for today, kids. Come back tomorrow for Buddy D.

 

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About Angry Ward 691 Articles
Angry Ward, who has admirers at the New York Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but for one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way Nancy Pelosi embraces Mitch McConnell at charity events. And while his Vikings only tease him with success, his Golden State Warriors actually win these days. A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, "The Franchise." (Junoir Blaber disputes this). Vent, curse and giggle with him on Angry Ward Wednesdays.