Angry Ward Wednesday: Giants At the Plate, Running Backs Shunned, and You Should Go to the Movies

Angry Ward, Josh Jacobs, Saquon Barkley, William Faulkner, JD Davis, Meet-The-Matts, Ward Calhoun, #GoogleAlerts, Mets
Josh Jacobs, JD Davis, William Faulkner & Saquon Barkley take in "Giants At The Gate:" - an Angry Ward Production.

NEW YORK, NY – Seeing as how I’ve pretty much been the only one chiming in around these parts lately, it feels like I am writing today’s column for an audience of 1… ME. If that’s the case, should I really bother to try to sew together some sort of connected sports content or just whip up some cut-rate Faulkneresque stream of consciousness goulash? It’s a toss up and, since I’m the only one here, let’s not even toss it up. Here goes nothing.

J.D. & Wilmer. Here’s a fun little fact. You remember J.D. Davis and Wilmer Flores, two Mets castoffs now playing for the San Francisco Giants? Those two guys would absolutely qualify as bonafide “hitting stars” on either the Mets or Yankees right now. Wilmer’s not playing every day but he’s hitting .288 with 9 home runs. J.D. is playing pretty much every day and hitting .268 with 11 dingers and 47 rbi. Yes, .268 would put him right near the top of the Mets’ and Yankees respective batting average food chains. Oh, and Michael Conforto? I didn’t want the Mets to sign him but… even he’s hitting 8 points higher than Lindor and has two more homers than Anthony Rizzo.

Mamas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Running Backs. By now it’s old news that superstar running backs Saquon Barkley and Josh Jacobs were not offered new deals, despite arguably being the best players on the Giants and Raiders, respectively, last year. It’s also worth noting that ex-Vikings running back Dalvin Cook (with some decent tread still left on his wheels) has yet to sign with a new team. If Zeke Elliott is still out there hoping for something to happen, he’d be better served thinking about a new career. The devaluation of the NFL running back seems just about complete, and I think it sucks. I’ve heard all the arguments about systems, offensive lines, and blocking schemes being more important than the backs, but those things aren’t universal truths. Walter Payton played for some horrifically bad Bears teams and was still unstoppable. Guys like Derrick Henry and Nick Chubb do not grow on trees. If the NFL is looking to eliminate the position, they’re off to great start. If this disposable running back arc continues, what high school or college football player is going to want to play the position? Pay the running backs, you lousy billionaires, and GET OFF MY LAWN!

Go to the Movies. Fairly recently, I started going back to actual movie theaters to see movies, and it’s been great. I used to do this all the time as a kid and then after , and highly recommend it now. Seeing a movie is so much more fun as a communal experience than it is streaming it alone on your living room. With each passing year, the handful of gazillionaires who own every commerce entity imaginable, are pushing people to live in the metaverse rather than real life. “Don’t talk to each other, send texts on your phones.” “Why go to a store to go through and try on clothes? Just order them up and return them if you don’t like them… or maybe you’re too lazy to return them, even batter for us.” “Don’t use cash. Make all your payments contactless. You’ll find out later how much you spent.” Where was I? Ah, yes, get out of your house, turn off your phone, and  go to an actual movie theater. I don’t know about where you are, but summer so far here in New York has been gray and rainy and hot and 1000% humidity. It’s weather tailor made for a movie in air-conditioned comfort. Am I the only one whose parents used to give their kids money to spend an entire nothing-to-do day in the summer at the movies? I’m back at it again, and loving it. You might too, if only to make audible fun of the previews of coming attractions and eat a bucket of popcorn.

Okay, roll credits, I’m done. Come back tomorrow for Buddy Diaz who could be organizing a writers strike right here.

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About Angry Ward 755 Articles
Angry Ward, who has admirers at the New York Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but for one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way Nancy Pelosi embraces Mitch McConnell at charity events. And while his Vikings only tease him with success, his Golden State Warriors actually win these days. A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, "The Franchise." (Junoir Blaber disputes this). Vent, curse and giggle with him on Angry Ward Wednesdays.