NEW YORK, NY – The Ides of May are upon us. Misfortune could be around any corner, unless you play for the New York Knicks, in which case it’s probably already had a nice visit with you. But we’re not a superstitious bunch here at MTM. I mean, how much worse could it get, amirite? Let’s see what’s going on elsewhere.
Bills Sign Marquez Valdes-Scantling. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! (Get a hold of yourself, Ward. He’s a Super Bowl hero, after all.) I guess this falls under the BS heading of “There’s no substitute for experience.” I mean MVS has played extensively with two future Hall of Fame quarterbacks and is a two-time Super Bowl champ. At the very least, he can mentor Bills’ top draft pick Keon Coleman right to the middle of borderline serviceability and once-every-five-games big play potential. Maybe Buffalo finally knows what it’s doing. (Has that sentence ever been written before?) Whatever the case, MVS could possibly supplant former kicker Nick Mike-Mayer as Buffalo’s favorite triple-named player ever… or not.
Mariners Going Up, Mets Going Down. As the bold subhead might suggest, my two favorite baseball teams seem to be moving in opposite directions. The mighty Seattle Mariners (still never been to a World Series) are leading the AL West, while the middling Metropolitans are buried in fourth place in the NL East, behind the Nationals, fer cryin’ out loud. If I could take a quick detour here, doesn’t Washington DC have the WORST team names in all of sports? When the Capitals is far and away your coolest team nickname, you’ve got major creative issues, as a region. The Commanders, Nationals, and Wizards all need their names tossed in a tire fire. Back to the Mets, they are at best a streaky team. But if Edwin Diaz can’t close, as he couldn’t against Philly Monday night, they will mostly be a losing-streaky team… The Mariners currently have a slim lead over the Rangers, and won’t be running away with anything. JG Clancy’s former favorite team – the A’s – are surprisingly competitive and the Astros can’t be this bad, can they? The Angels, of course, can and will be this bad. Just hoping the M’s can make the playoffs.
Swimsuits and Irishmen. This really isn’t news the way it was in the 1970s and ’80s anymore, but the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue comes out today. I’m pretty sure if she were still alive, Bella Abzug would be one of the featured models. Quite frankly, I’m not really sure how SI continues to exist. Between letting go of long-tenured staff, being accused of generating articles with A.I., and an article last week that actually said “third plate umpire,” it’s starting to make us look like the last bastion of sports journalism. Speaking of which, original MTM founder and longtime upper-Manhattan Irish-American, Tall Matt will be honored as Hibernian of the Year, a week from today at a pub in upper-Manhattan, as God intended. Congrats to you, Mr. O’Shea!
And, on that note, I’m outta here. Please be sure to come back tomorrow for Buddy Diaz, who will be updating you on whatever happened at Tuesday night’s Knicks game (SPOILER ALERT: they won), or maybe just a puff piece on Yankees reliever Clay Holmes.
