BRONX, NY – Happy Almost-Fourth-of-July, everyone! Do you kids still do fun fireworks stuff like we did back in the day in my neighborhood? I mean, it’s not Independence Day until you obliterate your neighbor’s garbage can with an M-80 or blow up a pile of dog crap with a Blockbuster or almost burn down an abandoned house with an errant Silver Jet, am I right? Such fond childhood memories. Speaking of which, Happy Birthday to one of the best friends a guy could ask for, former MTM contributor extraordinaire, Cheesy Bruin. You da Mang! Let’s talk some sports.
Wimbledon. You can claim you saw this one coming. I mean, me leading with lawn tennis. Welp, America’s two highest seeded women our out of Wimbledon after their first matches. Both second-ranked Coco Gauff and three seed Jessica Pegula are gone, with nary a grass stain on their tennis whites. On the bright side, they apparently made history. Yep, first women’s major in the Open Era where two of the top three seeds lost their opening matches. Hopefully Madison Keys (6) can win her second round match today and hang around for a bit. There’s always the American men, I suppose. LOL. As usual, Alcaraz, Joker, and Sinner will be the headliners for the XY chromosomers.
NBA Free Agency. I know lots of player movement has already happened, but I don’t find any of it all that compelling. The NBA scribes are trying to hype it, but I’m not biting. I’ll say this, it’s a tad more interesting than hearing the Knicks’ coaching search has been narrowed down to Mike Brown, James Borrego, and Micah Nori. Give me a moment while I rub down the goosebumps.
The Big Dumper. Seattle Mariners catcher Cal Raleigh is having one hell of a first half of the season. No longer a secret stashed out in the Pacific Northwest, Raleigh is currently leading baseball (all of baseball) in home runs (33) and RBIs (71). Did I mention he’s a Gold Glover too? Perhaps best of all is his nickname, The Big Dumper. Who needs a 5-tool player when you have 5-stool player? There’s no way he can keep up this torrid pace, especially playing the most physically demanding position on the field, but if he stays healthy and within striking distance of a certain New York Yankee outfielder’s numbers, he should should be a legit MVP contender. The M’s would be nowhere without him.
We interrupt this sports column to bring you: Summer Movie Streaming Guide. (Please note that most of these movies were made before you were born. But you should watch ’em anyway.)
The Money Pit/The Burbs. Before he won any Academy Awards acclaim, Tom Hanks was busy destroying (and getting destroyed by) houses, to hilarious effect.
Weekend at Bernie’s/Dirty Dancing. These two movies have nothing in common EXCEPT they’re both completely ridiculous in their own way and both became unlikely hits. You’ll never admit to watching them, but watch them you will.
Meatballs/Caddyshack/Quick Change Bill Murray is the undisputed king of summer comedies. You really can’t go wrong. Among the memorable lines from this trio: “The guy you gotta watch out for is Spaz. He’s a sex machine,” “If I kill all the golfers, they’re gonna lock me up and throw away the key,” and last but not least, “This ain’t my d!ck in your back.” “That’s a relief.”
The Paper. I’m generally not a big Ron Howard movie guy, but Michael Keaton as a New York tabloid editor with an insane deadline, and a great supporting cast, really make this one work. A sweaty movie, not 12 Angry Men sweaty, but pretty sweaty. Funny too.
After Hours. Not Martin Scorsese’s best movie, but definitely my favorite. At least it’s the one I’ll watch multiple times without complaint.
I could go on all day here, but I’m gonna clear out and let them clean the theater. Come back tomorrow for Buddy Diaz. I left him basketball aplenty to discuss.
