BRONX, NY – We interrupt yet another day of you NOT going to see The Odyssey with some pointless, aimless, and, yes, idiotic sports chatter. Recent “opinion pieces” posted in this space would have you believe that one must be an idiot to work for an enterprise (and I use that term to prove a point) such as Meet The Matts. As this site’s longest-tenured contributor, I feel that it’s incumbent upon me to address this slander and tell you all that it’s unequivocally 100% true. Anyone who signs on to be part of something that has more holes than Short Matt’s underpants is simply not very smart. And those, like myself, who stick around for the long haul? Morons. Now that we’ve cleared that up, let’s talk some sports.
Bryson DeChambeau is a Big Doofus. That’s all I really have to say. I have no further comment on his golf game or his taking tens of millions to play on the LIV Tour or even his controversial 2-stroke penalty this past weekend at The British Open and his rumored subsequent comment of getting another Big Doofus involved on his behalf. Nope. He’s just a big doofus, with a big doofus name and personality. No need need to add anything. And, speaking of doofuses…
Jaxson Dart and Cam Skattebo. Whoa, Nellie! Are the New York Giants gonna be great this year or what? How can they not be, with these two rocket scientists in their backfield? For those of you who always wanted to see The Darwin Awards play out on a football field, this could really be your season. Don’t be sad about the last Jackass movie being released this summer when you still have Jaxass to look forward to. Come along for the ride and Jaxson and Cam concuss, confuse, and backflip their way into your hearts. In unrelated dumb name news, the Pittsburgh Pirates starting pitcher vs. the Yankees Monday night was someone named Braxton Ashcraft. If there’s such a thing as a “punchable name,” that’s it.
Red Sox En Fuego. So, apparently the only thing that could stop the Red Sox 14-game winning streak was torrential rain. This team was rightly left for dead and now find themselves right in the thick of things in the sub-mediocre American League. But then this is one of those years when teams can follow up huge winning streaks with huge losing streaks, so stay tuned.
Can Aaron Judge Be the Same Player After He Returns from the IL? No, really, I’d like to know what you think. He apparently fractured a rib diving for a ball. But can he come back and just resume swinging for the fences as he always has without worrying about re-aggravating his ribs? As I stated very clearly earlier, I’m nothing near a doctor… but I probably should be talking to one.
That’s all for today. Come back tomorrow for another real idiot, Buddy Diaz.
