BRONX, NY – Welcome to another wonderful Wednesday and, strangely, the beginning of the NFL regular season. Yes, the doofuses at the NFL Think Tank put their collective pinheads together and decided that Wednesday is now too, a swell day for pro football. So we’re getting a game tonight (New England at Seattle) and then another tomorrow night (Rams/Niners in Australia) followed by a bunch on Sunday (as God intended) and, mercifully, only one on Monday night. So, how’s everyone feeling about the upcoming season? Let’s take a look at some over/under win totals and see what else there is to talk about.
New York Giants 7.5 wins. So, Giants fans, you like the over or under here? I mean, 8 wins certainly seems doable, especially in a division (NFC East) where just about every team has question marks. I don’t know, though. Is it smart to put money on knuckleheads like Dart (The Human Medical Tent) and Skattebo (Backflip Boy)? Clearly you’re going to need something out of the offense to get the over. I’m not convinced.
New York Jets 5.5 wins. Admit it, you couldn’t wait to talk about the Tri-State’s favorite open-air AA meeting. The Jets are the kind of team that could win 5 games, play to a tie in three others, and lose all the rest. But, that’s almost too optimistic for this train wreck of a franchise. Let’s see what’s new. Oh, Geno Smith is back as your starting quarterback. He’ll no doubt get a hero’s welcome from the team that drafted him. And the fans will fondly remember all the stirring and inspiring New Jersey-based victories he engineered, first as a member of Gang Green and then with the aforementioned Giants. If anything happens to Geno, don’t worry, his backup is someone named Cade Klubnik, which sounds like a name out of an old 1970s Mad Magazine. Under 5.5.
Minnesota Vikings 8.5 wins. The Vikings won 9 games last year with some of the worst quarterback play in recent memory. J.J. McCarthy somehow made all-everything wide receiver Justin Jefferson a complete, season-long, non-factor. If they can improve even a little bit on offense with Kyler Murray under center, I think they can get the over here.
Kansas City Chiefs 10.5 wins. I know Mahomes is back, but that’s a pretty high number in a fairly-competitive AFC. I don’t see it. Their only chance is if their offense, which has been dead for several years now, can somehow find its old mojo with Bieniemy back as coordinator.
I’m gonna stop with the win totals before I get to the Cowboys, and then we’re all forced to take decontamination showers.
I suppose I could talk some baseball, with Aaron Judge returning to the Yanks and the Mets maybe even managing to crawl out of last place, but I’ll leave that to someone else. Besides, there’s some good U.S. Open matches coming on that I want to check out.
See you next week! Come back tomorrow for Buddy Diaz, who is to Meet The Matts what the Honey Deuce is to the U.S. Open. Intoxicating.
