NORTH POLE – Santa has an ominous task each year; granting the wishes of billions. So, how does he determine who gets exactly what they ask for? The obvious guidelines remain a constant. Be good little boys and girls and avoid the stocking full of dog-sh*t coal? But what about the bad boys and girls – especially the bad little boys? Well, let’s take a look at how the NFL Christmas List for Santa is shaping up… any Division Championships or Wild Card tickets in those stockings?
Jerry Jones has apparently been pissing Santa off for over two decades… and this year is no different. Not only did Tony Romo get knocked into the IR, TWO TIMES, the Cowboys were given a pair of defective backups. Be a better person next year, Jerry.
Eli Manning has proven to be a favorite of Mr. Claus. His wish has been granted with a receiver that can catch even the worst of his errant passes… You think Archie is asking for a Manning Super Bowl? As squeaky-clean as the First Family of Football appears to be, that seems like a stretch to the Fat Guy in the Red Suit’s benevolence.
But Big Blue has a few guys who deserve coal. JPP disobeyed and played with fireworks. Cullen Jenkins gets some coal for taking extra Beats Headphones generously distributed by Odell Beckham Jr.
Let’s go the other side of to… Wait, it’s the same stadium and same town. Gang Green has had some issues that could come back to haunt them.Darrelle Revis is a greedy guy, Sheldon Richardson has been a bad boy, however, Brandon Marshall’s exemplary behavior may just catch the eye of Claus.
Moving on to the Washington Redskins. Kirk Cousins appears to be a very deserving recipient of some Santa Love. He was a good teammate and waited his turn to drive the car in the nations capital. The obstacles in his path are Dan Snyder and DeAngelo Hall. I’m not sure what Claus has on Snyder. Hall is a complete a-hole. He plays dirty and talks too much trash that is not backed up.
Chip Kelly is toast if Santa is BLACK! With underlying accusations of being a racist, Chipper may always be destined to fall short of the ultimate prize. The Eagles vs Giants game sixteen could very well determine who gets their wish.
Don’t worry… I did not forget the Patriots… Tom Brady, Dr. Evil and Bob Kraft have Mr and Mrs Claus on their payroll.
Get into the Santa Claus Poll and let’s hear your additions. And Come back for more sh*t in a stocking – just be careful… it’s gets under the fingernails. Eww…
