BRONX, NY – If Different Matt can write about New York Rangers hockey all summer long and Buddy Diaz can write about the Philadelphia Eagles whenever he pleases and Junoir Blaber can write about soccer in Ghana, I don’t see any reason why I can’t just morph into the Yankee beat writer for this cursed site. After all, Yankees fans are angry, and they need an always-angry voice to gently address their concerns. Dear readers, I am here for them. Let’s go!
So, just to offer a little lead-in, this past weekend the Yankees dropped two of three to the Mets in the Bronx. The sweep was there for the taking but the Mets, predictably, couldn’t finish the job on the deflated Bombers. Can they ever? The Yanks start a strange mini-roadtrip against my lousy Mariners and then finish in Houston, where Gerrit Cole can catch up with his old buds. Though I’m not staying up to watch the game, I fully expect the Bombers to beat the hell out of the M’s in this one. (They did, 12-1). I’m serious. Getting out of New York should be good for them. AND, if their offense can’t get healthy against Justus Sheffield and his 5.88 era, then their problems are truly too awful to fix. Here are but a few.
Aroldis Chapman. Hoo boy! What can you say about Chappy? He’s been a real funhouse this season. In fact, if I didn’t know better, I’d say he’s looking like a slimmed-down Armando Benitez or Mel Rojas, the Mets’ famed “gasoline twins” of the late ’90s/early aughts. In 28.2 innings pitched, Chapman has given up 21 hits and walked 20. I suck at math, but I’m pretty sure those numbers are no bueno. He’s vowed that he’s gonna make people “shut up.” I believe him. A few more games like this weekend and Yankee Stadium will be empty. More on this in a bit.
Giancarlo Stanton. Let’s forget about his average, his durability, his hilariously long and expensive contract, and just focus on one thing: Giancarlo Stanton has 14 home runs. Normally, this could be explained away with crap like “the ball isn’t as lively this year” and “hey, 14 ain’t so bad.” But, c’mon people. Stanton hit 59 home runs in 2017 with Miami and hasn’t come within 20 of that number since coming to the Yankees. Here’s where I also mention that he plays in a Pee Wee league park and is being out-homered by a whole bunch of guys you never heard of, not to mention Shohei Ohtani’s 31, playing in a big boy stadium. For a guy making a Giancarload of cash, he sure looks gassed.
Yankees Fans. Where are you people? I thought Yankees fans were supposed to be better than all the others: Always vocal, always opinionated, always turning out in big numbers. I turned on the news the other day and watched a sad story about all of the struggling business owners around Billy Crystal’s Whore Emporium (aka New Yankee Stadium). I haven’t seen so many forlorn faces on so many despondent mopes since Short Matt’s last BYO-Everything BBQ. From the souvenir shops to the Yankee Tavern (where I’ve been over-served many, many, many times), business is WAY off. What happened to “27 rings, bay-bee!”? 
Doesn’t anyone want to come cheer on this team, and maybe buy a Wandy Peralta jersey while they’re at it? Are all the diehards dying out? Again, this current team seems like they need to get out of Dodge to get any sort of mojo back… and that’s not that Yankees I grew up with, who fed off of Bronx belligerence as much as they did the benevolence. Get your sh!t together, Yankees fans.
That’s it for today. Come back tomorrow for Buddy Diaz, who still wears 10 Jeans, because Rick Cerrone endorsed them.
