NEW YORK, NY – It’s two years in a row now that Madison Square Garden has both the Knicks and Rangers simultaneously relevant. It seems as if that hasn’t happened since *Patrick Ewing and Mark Messier were the building’s big guns. It shouldn’t be that infrequent, though, and one could argue that Super Douche Jim Dolan is the reason for that. I know I would. And with two other douches catching my fleeting/fickle attention, along with a good egg, we he have today’s subjects: Jim Harbaugh, The Commanders, Joe West.
Jim Harbaugh
Stealing from Angry Ward’s stellar column this past Hump Day when all he wrote about the G.O.A.T. QB was this, “Tom Brady Officially Retires. Good. Next.” Here’s what I have to say about Harbaugh, who passed on Ward’s Vikings and staying at Michigan: “The Vikings will have one less douche next year.”
Speaking of douches…
The Commanders
You don’t know who they are, do you? Don’t worry, you’re far from alone. But the Commanders’ Commander is in the news again, and you may have heard of him, Douche Daniel Snyder. See, there’s this sexual harassment/toxic environment kerfuffle hovering over Snyder’s Redskins-turned-WFT-turned Commanders. Yet, in a jumble of legalese that is above my pay-grade and/or attention span, the NFL may not be able to publicly release the findings of its internal investigation of Snyder & Co without the explicit permission of…??? Daniel Snyder! How the in the f*ck?! It’s official, the bigger the douche bag you are, the more successful and above reproach you will be. ‘Murica 2022!
But enough douche-baggery for one day. Let’s go to Merlin with some #MLB news…
Joe West
After 45 years of hearing cracks like, “Use your good eye, Blue!” and “Did it sound like a strike? We know you didn’t see it!” Cowboy Joe West is hanging up his umpire indicator after 5,460 regular season games – a record. He’s also cut two country records when not ringing up stunned hitters. That, acting – Joe’s been in two movies – designing his own chest protector and playing golf on the Celebrity Players Tour will keep him busy. Best part of all? All indicators say he is NOT be a douche. Well done, Mr. West, we’ll miss you.
On that note, leave your balls and strikes below and come back tomorrow for Grinding Ax Walt, whose pals call him Hoss.
