Angry Ward Wednesday: Anger Overhaul – What I Like About Sports

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tim-and-greggBRONX, NY - Last week I was in my usual position of trying to get my kid out the door and off to school as she was in the middle of her morning routine of picking out what color gummy vitamins she wanted and which random toy or artifact she should stuff in her backpack to show her little friends. Frustration set in and I probably took a bit of a harsh tone as I tried to get her to focus. She countered with, “Daddy, why are you so angry?” It hurt. Am I really angry? I thought this was just a nickname I was given for this site. I really need to figure this all out. I can’t have my child thinking I’m an angry guy. If this is truly the case, then I need to retire and turn this column over to Affable Wayne full time, post haste. In the meantime, today I am going to focus on some things that I truly like in sports. This one’s for the kid. Here goes.

Gregg Popovich. The coach of the NBA’s San Antonio Spurs may be my favorite current coach in all of sports. That’s saying a lot, as I don’t follow pro basketball like others do. But I like Pop’s no-nonsense approach to his team, coaching, and people in general. And who can argue with the results? His Spurs always seem to come closest to epitomizing the ideal of what a team should be (a bunch of players working in concert towards a single goal) and they are once again in the finals, where this time they may actually beat Miami. And Popovich continues to be one of the best interviews in sports even with his flamboyant foil, Craig Sager, temporarily on the shelf. This recent interview with David Aldridge is yet another classic.

The Racetrack. I really do love horse racing. Went out to Belmont again recently and I’m as convinced as ever. Hell, I went to the pit known as Yonkers Raceway in the middle of this brutal winter that just passed and had an absolutely great time… and I didn’t win a cent. I just wish horse racing could hire some decent marketers and ad people to promote the experience the way it needs to be. As an example, at Belmont you pay five bucks to get in, nothing to park, can bring a cooler full of food and drink, can BBQ if you want, are out in the sunshine, can gamble, and there’s a full playground for the kids. How is this not better than spending hundreds of bucks at a baseball game?

Doc Emrick. The hands-down best play-by-play man in all of sports, in one of the toughest sports to do play-by-play. Doc is an NHL treasure that shines every bit as brightly as the Stanley Cup itself. He effortlessly calls the breakneck end-to-end hockey action, and does so with great clarity, excitement, and humor. If he were a goalie, he’d have a 0.00 GAA, because the guy just can’t be beat.

Miami Heat Grandma. I just saw this video the other day and I love this woman. Feisty old broads like this deserve to be celebrated. She’s better than a two-and-a-half minute YouTube clip. She deserves her own show. Someone should start a sports network anchored by senior citizens and make her the centerpiece. I’d watch that over ESPN any day of the week.

Tennis Panties. Two days ago, my daughter took her first tennis lesson and the first thing she commented on afterwards was that she kept seeing her instructor’s panties because of her short skirt. I told her that I caught sight of them too on a couple of occasions and that it was just part of tennis… a very important part. Thank God for tennis panties, where would we be without them?

Chrissie keeps it classy with pink tennis panties.

Chrissie keeps it classy with pink tennis panties.

I’m feeling zero anger right now, so that’s all for today. Come back tomorrow for Cookie or Big Al Sternberg/Fake Sandy Alderson – who led many a pantie raid in his day.

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Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.
  • The Retired One aka jgclancy

    Oh the joy of horse racing….especially at no stress Belmont…..
    Gregg Popovich is great except for last year when his stupidity let the Heat win Game 6 and then the title.Never take the best basketball player of the 21st century -Tim Duncan- out of the game with seconds to go—duh!
    Oakland beat the Yanks —- as expected!
    Time to hang it up ANGRY Ward….walk into the sunset and bid it all adieu….just some friendly advice…to quote from The Water Boy – You Can Do It!
    My last line will be:
    Go Rangers!….LA sucks (sorry WCC but it’s true) and as Dude would say ” F LA”

    • AngryWard

      Can we just give “The Retired One” his pound of bacon so he can unretire? Even the greats screw things up sometimes, so I’ll give Pops a pass on last year’s finals. Oakland is a fascinating team to watch. They have nothing approaching a “superstar” player but just this ragtag bunch of players that pitch, field, and scratch out hits when then need to. Now, if they could only get that to translate into wins in the postseason….

      • http://meetthematts.com/ Meet The Matts

        The Oakland A’s are hard to root against. They play baseball as a team sport. What a novel idea!

        • AngryWard

          Clancy was correct when he said that he didn’t need to know the players’ names. They truly are a team.

  • Big Fat Toad

    Three Buds and I’d give Granny a go.

    • AngryWard

      She’d probably give you all you could handle and point out your flaws throughout.

      • http://meetthematts.com/ Meet The Matts

        BFT, 2 Buds and a chaw is all you get!

  • buffalobilly84

    Wussy Ward? haha How about them Metsies last night. They stranded 50 guys on base and let a lefty hitting .021 hit a homer off their lefty fire-baller. They should stay in Philly.

    • AngryWard

      How about Warm and Fuzzy Ward? That Mets game was entertaining in its own way. I have never seen a team so inept with the bases loaded and I loved that Keith was excited about the prospect of rain in the forecast because he could then “get a nice workout in.”

      • http://meetthematts.com/ Meet The Matts

        A-Dubya doesn’t sound angry… And you’re usually “fuzzy” when you write, so that rules that out…

  • Junoir Blaber

    Who is this things i like guy!?! Ward you are like Mr. Burns. His hatred of everyone helps him live longer. Your anger is your strength. You belong on the dark side.

    • Cheesybruin

      Junoir is on point as usual.

  • Junoir Blaber

    Affable Wade is nice now and then not full time

  • Cheesybruin

    There’s Doc Emrick and nobody is a close second. He’s been curtailing his schedule recently so enjoy the First Voice in Hockey as much as you can now.
    Chris Evert in ruffled tennis panties…a retro ‘groovy baby’ to that.
    Wasn’t it Mark Twain that said “A bad day at the track is better than a good day of work”?

    • SAF

      I like that Twain quote, whether it’s Twain or not. When we go to the track we always quote my brother-in-laws dad who may have been stealing from Twain with “The next best thing to winning at the track is losing at the track!”

      I just signed up for a chance to participate in the Knob Creek $1,000,000 horse shoe toss on Saturday out at Big Sandy. To be honest I said “Yes” the moment I heard Knob Creek and before the million bucks and the horse shoes came up.

      • Cheesybruin

        Knob Creek is a very good and underrated bourbon. I still prefer Maker’s Mark though.

        • Junoir Blaber

          Maker’s had me drunk in front of the in-laws the other night. Rare for me.

      • http://meetthematts.com/ Meet The Matts

        You missed a golden opportunity there, SAF. Had you typed “twack” it would have been gold. After Twain, that is.

        • SAF

          Thanks, there’s nothing anyone likes better than having a missed opportunity pointed out to them. It’s like when I went to my high school reunion and found out the cutest girl in my class had a thing for me, twenty years earlier. But “twack” would have been very funny.

          • AngryWard

            That’s just one reason I never go to high school reunions. Funny though.

  • GrindingAxWalter

    Great article Ward. I agree with most except the Doc Emrick thing. When the Devils play , he reverts to homer undertones.
    I think Corky Albert is right there and Sam Rosen does not get enough national credit .

    • http://meetthematts.com/ Meet The Matts

      Wait, GAW. Are you saying that Sam Rosen, Joe M and Dave Maloney don’t call the games as homers? What the frogging tile is wrong with that? Hell, the only reason we can tolerate the #Mets is because of their broadcast team.

      • GrindingAxWalter

        Rosen does not. Don’t like Joe M.and Maloney homers with the best of them

        • Cheesybruin

          Spot on, GAW! Micheletti is hard to listen to. Jack Edwards is a homer for the Bruins but he’s an entertaining homer.

          • Puck Face

            Why can’t a home team network guy be a homer? WTF?

  • AngryWard

    Add to my “like” list, Writing for this Site. You may now send the gentlemen with the butterfly nets and the white ice cream van.

    • http://rugbywrapup.com/ RugbyWrapUp

      If you like, you can write for us as well!

      • http://meetthematts.com/ Meet The Matts

        He’s not for sale… yet.

        • bosoxbruin04

          Somebody sold Babe Ruth! lol Go Rangers! Keep it with an Original Six squad.

  • WestCoastCraig

    Amiable Ward is great, but I know we won’t have to wait long for the anger to bubble rightly back to the surface.

    Just who are those tennis lessons for, anyway?

    • http://meetthematts.com/ Meet The Matts

      Innuendo!

  • Different Matt

    Anyone for tennis? Wouldn’t that be nice!

  • Dude

    angry ward is better, your kid will get over it. gregg popvich sucks, i hate his ugly pockmarked face and the boring foreign style of basketball his team plays. i am a big nba fan, and a big fan of team and defensive oriented play, but the spurs are verything that is wrong with the league. we want to see DYNAMIC exciting team play not boring french guys passing to even more boring south american guys. zzzzzzzzzzzz.

    • AngryWard

      Wait, aren’t you a Knicks fan? They are about as far from dynamic and exciting as it comes. There’s room for you on the Golden State bandwagon, Dude. It’s not too late.

      • Dude

        the knicks style of play is boring too- but at least there are no frenchmen on the team

  • SAF

    California Chrome will be running out of the #2 post position, same one that saw Secretariat put 31 lengths between him and the second place finisher!

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