Tag: Cowboys

#BizarreSells: Slick Oilers, Super Bowl Sam Darnold, Joe Girardi

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EDMONTON, ALBERTA – Sure, one could argue that choosing a hot NHL team five minutes into their season over an epic MLB playoffs tilt as the lead story is a bit bizarre but hey, #BizarreSells. Following that formula, here are today’s topics: Slick Oilers, Super Bowl Sam Darnold, Joe Girardi. SLICK OILERS – Don’t tell […]

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Alonso vs Judge, USA vs Mexico, Fantasy Football

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EL BARRIO, EL FALLS – I may be the staff writer that eventually gives Short Matt the heart attack that will kill him. It is almost 2:30 in the morning and I am composing this classic off the top of my head. Today’s topics will be: Alonso over Judge, USA vs Mexico And Fantasy Footballs. […]

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Replacement Matt Friday: Sh*tty Start To NFL Season, Mets Fans Stages of Met Grief

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EYE OF HURRICANE, ATLANTIC OCEAN – Hey Kids! Ya miss me? I’m back with another edition of stuff for my massive fanbase and readership. It’s getting so huge I think I’m on the verge of being an influencer and will have companies hurling tons of free sh– my way. Time for the endorsement train to […]

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Thoughts on Andrew Luck, Ezekiel Elliott, Retirement and Injuries in the NFL

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SPANISH HARLEM – The biggest news of the week, at least in my opinion, surrounded two players that many thought would play major roles in their respective offenses this season: Andrew Luck and Ezekiel Elliott. These two stars were thought to be the most important pieces of their team’s and now the Dallas Cowboys and […]

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Working Vacation Ward Wednesday: Unlimited Pasta, Prescott, and Mets Coverage

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SCORCHED HELLSCAPE, FL – Why the hell do I continue to fire off columns, into the void, even while on vacation? I think there’s no good answer except to say that, by now, it’s out of habit more than anything. Let this serve as a dire warning to the Ben Whitneys and Buddy Diazes of […]

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Major League Pitching Problems, London MLB Flop

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BLOOMINGBURG, NY – The NFL season can’t get here fast enough for me since all I’m left with to watch on television is baseball. This modern version of the American pastime is really somewhat irritating and is nothing like the game I grew up on. The London series (where baseball doesn’t belong) between the Yankees […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: To Limp and Die in LA – LeBron, Todd Gurley, and Tough Times at Santa Anita

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BRONX, NY – Due to lack of interest, we interrupt “An Oral History of Meet The Matts” to bring you another pedestrian-at-best sports post. It’s in my contract. And by contract, I mean the sentence I’m serving here to make up for something horrible I must have done in a previous life, like discovering cilantro or […]

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WTF Sports Items: Bryce Harper, Jason Witten, Boston Bruins

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MARLBORO, NY – Truth be told, I’m not the rabid sports junkie that I once was. I’m all about the games and less about pregame shows, scouting combines, trade rumors, et. al. Sometimes the more I think I know about sports the less I actually understand, too. Two items that happened this past week just […]

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Tired-of-this-Sh!t Ward: NFL Playoffs – Divisional Thoughts

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NEW YORK, NY – DJ Eberle went to an ill-conceived all-you-can-eat Hungarian Goulash “event” last night, and things happened. Don’t have all in the info. Don’t want all the info. Here’s a look at this weekend’s NFL Divisional Playoffs, most of which I will be DVRing or straight up missing because my kid’s Children’s Theater performances […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Holiday Sports Wish List

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BRONX, NY – It’s the holiday season. So whoop-de-doo and hickory dock, and don’t forget to hang up your sock… as Andy Williams warbled in one of the worst Christmas songs ever. Anyway, there’s plenty going on and I’m seeing lots of frozen vomit on the sidewalks, which means that Office Christmas Party season is […]

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