BLOOMINGBURG, NY – Cheesy Bruin (me in 3rd Person) is drunk and is supplementing his alcohol binge with something called Purple Haze – use your imagination here folks – and is awaiting the disgruntled phone call from Short Matt, prior to hitting the publish button today. So, in lieu of these unscheduled/conflicting events, you are stuck with me, Kelly Ann Bruin (the MTM version of Tami Lynn from the Ted movies), for the remainder of this column.
The following is from Kelly Ann Bruin…
Let me start by saying that I am a Bruins fan by injection, the Bruins won 6-2 against the Sabres! So when the Bruins win, I win in ways you can only imagine… provided the Purple Haze doesn’t get the best of Cheesy Bruin. I have learned that trying to talk to Cheesy Bruin while the Bruins are on TV is like trying to hang up on Short Matt while talking on the phone; “ain’t happening.” I’ve experienced how abnormal it is for and “old man” to have such love for a hockey team. Let me just say that no woman has ever been, or ever will be, his first love. The Bruins will always be his first love and I have accepted and respect that. I know my place and also know that I will always be Cheesy Bruin‘s “Hot *Batch” regardless if the Bruins win or lose.
Now, I think I am supposed to mention something about the Rangers trading their hockey sticks in for knitting needles while the Bruins set their sight on the Stanley Cup. If the Bruins win the Cup it’s going to be an amazing day for me, with all measures of birth control in full affect. Go Bruins!
Bare with me as I jump all over the place, as I am far from a sports fan…
I witnessed Cheesy Bruin’s lack of interest in the NFL Draft. Then he switched to the Mets game and lost all his [patience] *sh1t when the catcher lost sight of the ball. I thought to myself, “is it really that big of deal?” I often hear the nonprofessionals complain that the professionals should have made that play. Yeah, yeah… I get it. They are paid the big bucks to play this sport but let’s not forget that they are human, just sayin’. Cheesy Bruin is reminiscing on his Little League debut as a catcher and believes he would have made that play. Cheesy Bruin, maybe if you laid off the Purple Haze, bourbon and bad relationships you would have been in the Hall of Fame! No judgment or disrespect. Are we good?
Burn baby, burn! It’s disco night here in Bloomingburgh. Even though I’m not old enough to have lived in that era I would have loved to have danced on the dance floor of Studio 54. I might not be fully invested in the sports world and have a full understanding of scoring chances and pitch counts, but I respect the love and loyalty that Cheesy Bruin has for the Bruins, Cowboys, and Mets. Always stay true and loyal!
As much as I love when Cheesy Bruin sneaks a pruck in my five-hole, his enjoyment of sports is fun – if not orgasmic!
Please leave your comments that are sure to be more then the normal Sunday… they can’t be any less. And come back tomorrow for the always-orgasmic Junoir Blaber.
*Edited by aghast MTM Censors