NEW YORK, NY – Happy Wednesday, morons! It’s a heavy burden being an all-knowing sports knower such as myself. Just like Holly Hunter’s character in the (great) movie Broadcast News, its awful being the smartest person in the room. Yet here I am, doing my best week after week after week, trying to set you people straight. What can I say? It’s a labor of both love and hate. Let’s get to it.
Bronx Bummers. As of this writing, the New York Yankees are 10 games over .500 and a reasonable 6 games behind the MLB-best Tampa Bay Rays… they are also pretty damn mediocre. Their starting pitching is pedestrian, their offense is a couple of clicks north of average, their defense is lower-third, and their pen? Two words: Clay Holmes. Sadly, for me at least, this will all still be good enough to get them into the postseason and maybe even deeply. There are a lot of crumby teams out there and you just know the Minnesota Twins can’t wait to step up and give the Yanks their annual October gift. One thing about the Yankees that isn’t mediocre, however, are their TV and Radio broadcast teams, which full-on suck.
The New York Mehs. Over in Queens, the Mets have their own problems. Much like the San Diego Padres, the Mets are high-priced disappointments. The Metropolitans are playing .500 ball in what is a very winnable NL East, but they keep losing to teams they should be piling up wins against. Getting your a$$es handed to you on the regular by the likes of the Tigers, Cubs, and Rockies is NOT good for your self esteem. I’ve cataloged their many shortcomings previously, but it bears repeating that their bullpen is an absolute atrocity. This is a particularly disastrous situation when your starting rotation is anchored by AARP. It’s going to be a long and streaky summer, and I’m guessing the trade deadline “buyers or sellers?” decision is gonna be a coin flip. No bueno.
Denver, Miami, Las Vegas, Sunrise. These are the four cities where the NBA Finals and NHL Stanley Cup Finals are being played. I don’t have much to add except Denver/Miami is an old throwback ABA matchup. The Nuggets are happily still around and living in the NBA, while the poor Miami Floridians (??? What marketing genius came up with that one?) perished in God’s Waiting Room and were sold off for gator bait way back in 1972. Vegas and Sunrise sound more like destinations for an all-you-can-eat buffet, rather than hockey, but this is where we are. Have at it, lads.
Recipe for Jetscess? It’s been well-documented here as well as various other digital and public spaces, that I have nothing but disdain for the New York Jets, their owner, and their fans. So it should come as no big surprise that I am hoping they fall on their damn faces, once again, this year. I know that most NFL pundits think that upgrading to an MVP quarterback (albeit a narcissistic weirdo MVP) over Bob’s BYU Big Boy should be enough to fuel a Super Bowl run. But I don’t know. I still have faith that acquiring a 39-year-old QB and two of his wide receiver besties, who all failed to make the playoffs in a must-win HOME game against the Lions last year, might not exactly be the blueprint for success that so many think it is. As a longtime contributor here, I take pride in recognizing the ingredients for a big ol’ failure cake when I see ’em. Guess we’ll find out soon enough.
Come on back tomorrow for Buddy Diaz, and don’t forget to follow us on MySpace, Ham Radio, and Truth Social.