Angry Ward Wednesday: Baseball, Snowing, Plouffing and Streaking

mets-rockies-baseball 510
Baseball, Snowing, Plouffing

NEW YORK, NY – It’s been a wild week already… and it’s only Wednesday (well, Tuesday as I write this). The Cheeseman (Cheesy Bruin) covered the horrible Boston Marathon bombings yesterday, which were followed almost immediately by my mom getting her feet tangled up in front of her building and hitting the deck like Michael Spinks after a Tyson uppercut, which then led to a leisurely five-and-a-half hour emergency room visit. You know you’ve been there for a while when you’ve managed to read the entire Sunday Times. I actually texted my Short boss around 12:30 am Tuesday morning asking out of today’s task, but reconsidered when I thought that sleep deprivation might do wonders for my so-called work here. Good news is, Mom’s OK depite a Fred Flintstone-sized bump on her coconut. Now, in an effort to return things to normal, let’s talk a little baseball.

sub-y-snow-articleLargeThe Snow Must Go On. Just checked to see what the score of the first half of the Mets/Rockies doubleheader is and was met with the message: “Game delayed due to snow removal.” Again??? Who put together this Minnesota/Colorado portion of the Mets’ early-season schedule, Jack London? Though they aren’t off to Atlanta’s scorching start, the Metsies are pretty hot themselves and putting them in the deep freeze is some kinda cruel MLB joke. Look, if you’re gonna schedule April baseball in these cities I say you play the games and force Bud Selig to attend them with his shirt off.

My New Favorite Baseball Player. Watching the Mets play the aforementioned Twins last week a great wrong was righted as I finally discovered that Minnesota has a third basemen named Trevor Plouffe (pronounced: PLOOF). It’s such a great name that I really don’t know where to begin. I’ll start by saying that every time Gary or Keith said his name I laughed. When I pointed it out to my wife, she started giggling too. He sounds like some long-forgotten silver screen star from the 1930s and the yin and yang of the names Trevor and Plouffe is nothing short of exquisite. On top of this, the guy has some pop, belting 24 homers last year. Yessir, you have to be one tough monkey to play the hot corner in Minnesota with the name Plouffe on your back. You also have to be a bad-ass of the highest order to pose for a picture like this with your special lady. I’m a fan, Trevor Plouffe.

Plouffe! There it is!
Plouffe! There it is!

Going Streaking. No, we’re not going streaking up to the quad like Frank the Tank, though it’s not entirely out of the question. Instead, at the behest of my friend Mikey the Fink, I signed up for a contest on called “Beat the Streak” where you pick one or two players every night and hope they get at least one hit. The object is to break Joe DiMaggio’s consecutive-game hitting streak. Apparently, the first person to reach 57 games wins $5.6 million. I can use the money, so I’m down. It’s also a hell of a lot less time intensive than, say, writing these posts. So give it a shot if you are so inclined. Just be sure to keep Trevor Plouffe in the mix early and often.

That’s all for this week. Come back tomorrow for…


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About Angry Ward 748 Articles
Angry Ward, who has admirers at the New York Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but for one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way Nancy Pelosi embraces Mitch McConnell at charity events. And while his Vikings only tease him with success, his Golden State Warriors actually win these days. A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, "The Franchise." (Junoir Blaber disputes this). Vent, curse and giggle with him on Angry Ward Wednesdays.