DENVER, CO – I am so high right now it’s ridiculous. In fact I am mile high. That’s right. Yours truly is in Denver, Colorado this week. Denver doesn’t make any sense to me. Out here the snow melt magically turns into something even more tasteless than water; Coors Light. Evidently, in addition to that Colorado is the last state in the union to call a Gala a Banquet, let alone they have a beer specifically for these occasions.
Weed is legal? Curve balls don’t curve? It takes less beer to get drunk? Am I in the Twilight Zone or heaven? It has been a few years since I was last on the frontier. It sure has changed a bit. I can’t walk a foot without tripping over a pair of Crocs and a poorly groomed beard hanging from an ill-conceived over educated pot head from the east coast trying to find ones self only to lose one’s self in “the scene” on Daddy’s dime. Far and away are the days of gauchos driving the cattle through the barren lands all the way to Durango. Far and away are the soiled souls vetting the ground in search of sterling dreams. Far and Away… was a really bad movie. The only thing remotely “New York” about Denver is that Clyde Frazier must have decorated my hotel room.
When I thought about writing this piece, I originally thought it would be interesting to do a Denver sports report but then I realized that was only about 3 lines. Rockies suck… Avalanche blow… and Peyton Manning should have invested in Domino’s.
I even did my research to go as far as to mention the Colorado Rapids of the MLS. Nope… Still nothing to report. When you are the second worst team in a league no one cares about, playing a sport that only has a following amongst young mother’s and kids that were too small for football, then you know you are insignificant. My guess is that there are some WNBA teams with a higher payroll and some names I can recognize before you start rattling off the Colorado Rapids roster.
In somewhat Colorado related news, Tiger Woods is bindings deep in Lindsay Vonn. Normally, people say that women weaken the legs. Tiger seems to be the exact opposite. He had the worst stretch of his career going through “sexual rehabilitation.” Now that he is back off the wagon, he is on top of his game. And he is playing golf well too.
He has a chance this weekend to win The Masters but I do think that the Tiger vs The Field bet is the biggest sucker bet short of taking Notre Dame to cover the spread in this year’s national title game. Tiger may be the greatest player of all time but any given player can win on any given weekend. Yours truly is rooting for Dustin Johnson this weekend. If the guy gets his putter going he can overpower the course and Augusta shapes his shot well.
Stay tuned for some Cookie Diff, tomorrow.