Baseball, Hot Dogs, Humble Pie & Used Chevys: Fixing The Bud Selig Mess

Cheesy Bruin
Cheesy Bruin: Bud Selig doesn’t compute.

NEW YORK, NY – The main player in baseball’s most recent PED scandal is indubitably Alex Rodriguez. However, Bud Selig is a very close second as Der Kommissar displays what is simply an abuse of power (is he juicing?) as his sport’s omnipotent ruler. Maybe all the nitrates and aspartame in Bud’s routine in-season lunch of a hot dog and Diet Coke have finally gone to his brain’s synapses. Or maybe it’s the mind-blowing reported $18M annual salaryearned” while manning the bully pulpit. After all, his compensation places him among the stratosphere of a steroid slugger or two. Anyway, there’s many to blame, past and present, for biochemistry indiscretions.  Focus on the current events is more important and what Selig is presiding over. The problems concerning Selig and his rhetoric and actions are more than bothersome to baseball and sports fans, however.

Bud Selig, the former used car salesman sold enough “hoopties” back in the day to buy the old Seattle Pilots and move the team to Beer City.  Hell the Brewers wore Seattle hats in first games because Buddy couldn’t swing deal in time. They stitched their logo over “Pilots” on the jersey.  Honesty and integrity are characteristics hardly associated with the seedy nature of peddling used cars (we call them pre-owned these days).  It takes a pair of onions to sell much-maligned used Pintos, Pacers and the dreaded K-cars of the early 80’s and even bigger baseballs to try ousting a solid baseball commissioner, Fay Vincent. Fay was critical of owners during the early-90’s free-agent collusion, which started rumblings by Bud’s buds to make Selig Der Kommissar. So as you can see, Bud Selig is not without warts and wielding the Commissioner Clause during what appears to be a personal vendetta versus Rodriguez, is plausible at best.

How about us, the fans? It would be “in the best interest of baseball” if Selig convinced his owner-whores that $7 Billion (with a capital “B”) in revenue is enough to throw the fans, the youngest of which are playing their annual tournament in Williamsport, a frickin’ bone in the form of a few daytime World Series games.  Baseball hasn’t seen one of these oddities in almost thirty years.  Another fan-friendly benefit would be an “Astroland mandate,” where POP (Pay-One-Price) doubleheaders appear on a team’s schedule once a month during June, July and August.  These two simple adjustments would broaden the fan base ten years down the road for another generation of fathers and sons/daughters.

Angry Ward, Sr.

Baseball’s Scarlet Letter… Lastly, presiding over cheaters and Hall of Fame worthiness is another power bestowed upon your office to select the cap logo of enshrined players: It’s not a question of years of service or productive tenures among clean players.  What about those whose names appear on any type of PED list or who out themselves in evasive testimony and somehow find their asses about to disgrace the museum with entry? The answer is to have them wear the MLB logo…  baseball’s scarlet letter.  That would pay homage to all those who let this mess manifest itself under your watch as commissioner.  It also allows a team like the Yankees to disassociate with an A-Rod, like the organization is currently attempting.

Come back for DJ Eberle tomorrow.

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About Cheesy Bruin 491 Articles
A man amongst men. Cheesy Bruin kicked cancer to the curb - twice. The Cheese Man's a big, tough teddy-bear who survived the Bronx despite being an unabashed Boston Bruins fan and Sargent-At-Arms for Angry Ward's Urban Spur Posse. Nuff said. Doctors have taken most of this throat and had to make him a new tongue from thigh-meat (his own) and still he won't shut up about the Bruins, Cowboys, Pirates and Cleveland Cavaliers. And yes, his kids do love him.