BROOKLYN, NY – Blues rocker and Cable Guy Extraordinariness, Jim Dolan and Russia’s version of Stephen Merchant, Mikhail Prokhorov, have both guaranteed that their basketball teams will win the this year. In fact, Dolan went so far as to guarantee a Knicks win last night. Are these bold predictions wise or are the Nutty Owners of the Flailing Knicks and Nets, whose teams are a collective 5-9, putting too much pressure on their squads?
KNICKS: As fans of the Knickerbockers, we’ve witnessed “guarantees” before. Remember Patrick Ewing? He did it a thousand times and missed a layup when he had the chance to win. But at least he was on the court. More importantly, he had to sit at his locker every time his predictions backfired and face the press… Jim Dolan, who correctly guaranteed that the Knicks would beat Preacher Collins’ & DJ Eberle’s Atlanta Hawks last night while jamming with his band during the hoops-to-hockey MSG changeover on Sunday, won’t be in front of a microphone until JD & The Straight Shot perform again. But what would have happened if the Hawks one last night? Would Jimmy D have fired the suddenly ball-less Mike Woodson? he’s even threatened the Knick City Dancers! And what of the championship talk for this crop of over-hyped crud? This team barely hung on last night after the Hawks outscored the Knicks 56-28 in the paint, including 48-18 through three quarters. With or without Tyson Chandler, that won’t cut it. This wasn’t the Bird-McHale–Parrish Celtics. It was the Hawks.
NETS: We love Mikhail Prokhorov. Now that Jay-Z has sold his hanger-in-the-coatcheck-room piece of Brooklyn’s Oldest, the 6’8″ Ruskie with the charmingly yellow teeth is now front and center (or small forward). But like Dolan, Mickey Pro has promised that this Netrosexuals squad will win it all this year, reiterating his promise of 5 years ago when he bought the team… Two things you should know about this guy: 1) He vowed to get married if the Nets didn’t win it all by his fifth year – as punishment and 2) This is a guy that has the cash and ran against Vladimir Putin in the “Don’t Call Me A Commie” race to be Russia’s Czar… So, when they don’t win because Father Time can’t keep Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce and Jason Terry off the VIP DL forever… Does that mean that we should expect Jason Kidd to be “reassigned” to Siberian scout team should the Nets come up… short?
And just one quick question, do these guys realize they’re talking about the NBA Championship??? Or did they mean the NYC Championship? The latter is the more realistic.
Feel free to bounce your ideas and dribble wildly in our comment section… and come back tomorrow for Slam Dunk Different Matt.