NASCAR, Tony Stewart, Dukes of Hazzard, Derek Jeter

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image HAZZARD COUNTY, GA-  We DO NOT do NASCAR here, however…  I cannot ignore  this human interest story about  how our education system has failed thousands – if not millions – of poor bastards who spend their money on Nascar Fandom!

Unless you have been quarantined for Ebola,you know about the death of  driver Kevin Ward who challenged Tony Stewart’s  sprint car on Saturday night, at some Podunk track in upstate New York.

It appears that incensed race drivers customarily practice this act of stupidity – walking on the track in an active race – if they are knocked out of the counter-clockwise event  by another racer. HUH?

imageThis tragedy and other near-misses are obviously condoned by the morons who rule over this thing called racing. NOTE: This pastime is ruled by mentally-challenged idiots with a Dukes of Hazzard mentality.

Let’s try to imagine if other professional sports allowed their stars to play  randomly with amateurs in the various cities that they travel to for games  Hmmm.. I don’t think so. 

Imagine Derek Jeter stopping by and playing short for  the Harlem Shaskys or ELI Manning  playing an impromptu game of Rugby with Junoir Blabber and Company.  NOT. A. CHANCE.

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 For Nascar to allow a driver to screw around with  local yokels and play Ricky Bobby is just stupid. Networks should relegate these Dukes to the  obscure local access cable channels. People get hurt when they are ill prepared to take on crazed idiots like Stewart and unfortunately, we have real proof.

How can this be avoided in the future?  We must start in schools. Mental and  physical fitness must be pounded into the mind and body of any child exhibiting  signs of NASCAR fandom. Train our teachers to report ANY signs. Dead give-a-ways are when a student shows up for school with a mullet and or a chain wallet.

Create neighborhood watches and report any suspicious behavior like parents buying their children electric race cars. Picket the stores who sell baseball caps with flames on the brims or any other Nascar gear.

NASCAR could have avoided all this by instituting simple rules that suspend any  driver who exits their race car on a track during a frogging  race – in an attempt to play Matador. How about starting with banishment for a year? At the very least,  Stewart should be suspended for the remainder of this season of  left-turns, but my guess is somehow these lowIQ Hillbillies will not change a single thing.

Anyway, what do YOU think?

Come back tomorrow for Angry Ward.

P.s… Detroit reports that it has lost its Tigers somewhere. Any sightings?

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About the Author ()

"Grinding Ax" Walter Hynes (GAW) comes from the same Sports Royalty bloodlines as Short Matt... He's heaving hatchets off the heads of any deserving Sports Personalities... His favorite teams are the NY Rangers, Detroit Tigers, Dallas Cowboys, NY Jets and Manchester United... A suburban husband and father of two, Walter understands what it takes to be a second-guessing, sideline-heckling parent and coach.

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