It’s 10:00 PM. Do You Know Where Your NBA and NFL Stars Are?

Do you know where your NBA and NFL Stars are?

MILWAUKEE, WI – As a major multinational media conglomerate, Meet The Matts is obligated to provide a certain number of Public Service Announcements each year. To satisfy this FCC requirement, our colleague JG Clancy got his pipes cleaned yesterday to show the importance of annual colonoscopies. Always smart to get rid of anything that may be bottled up inside. Professional athletes are often asked to use their celebrity to further awareness of various health and social issues. I’m not sure if you’re aware of the socially conscious athletes who’ve contributed in this way, but here are a few you may have missed

Jason KiddMothers Against Drunk Drivers.  Kidd is the swiss army knife of athletes in the PSA realm. Plug him into any commercial highlighting any cause or deviant behavior and he’s a natural. Very believable. Kidd’s beaten up his wife, gotten multiple DWIs, and back stabbed literally hundreds of teammates and coaches over the years.

Micheal Ray RichardsonSay No to Drugs. With apologies to Dale Berra, Alan Wiggins, Chris Washburn and the legions of substance-addled ballplayers from the 70s and 80s; this choice was easy. The Ship be Sinking alright. Who better to send a message of restraint than the only player ever permanently banished from the NBA? Dishonorable Mention: A-Rod

Kobe Bryant“No Means No!” Kobe has produced a number of PSAs aimed at educating young folks about respecting women and their wishes. Polite to a fault, no one has done more to advance womens’ rights than the Black Mamba.

Andrew Wiggins“I learned it from you, alright!” Andrew is of course the basketball wunderkind who’s suiting up in the NBA already despite still being in his teens. Let’s hope he’s learned the lessons of his Dad, Mitchell Wiggins, who was unceremoniously dumped from the NBA for a year after multiple drug-related suspensions back in the 80s.

Thank you for your vigilance, Aldon.
Thank you for your vigilance, Aldon.

Aldon Smith“If you see something, say something.” The 49er Pass Rush master thought it was a good idea to walk through the Los Angeles airport while screaming…”Bomb!” He’s hilarious.  What civic pride he has to remind fellow travelers of this initiative intended to get people looking out for suspicious activity at LAX.

Ruben RiveraCrime Prevention, “Take a Bite out of Crime.” Rivera, and not Fred McGriff was the real crime dog back in the day. You remember him? The one-time uber talented OF prospect was released by the Yankees for stealing one of Derek Jeter’s gloves right from his locker. Maybe Ruben was just ahead of his time in getting his piece of the 2014 Jeter retirement world tour.

Mel Hall– “What time is it?” It’s 10:00 pm. Do you know where your children are? Well, Mel Hall does, and you better watch out. Hide your under-aged girls because the former Yankee “legend” is on the prowl and doesn’t know that No means No. Yes, old Mel not only carried on a sexual relationship with a 15 year old, but did so with the tacit blessing of her star struck parents.

Lenny Dykstra/Darren Daulton Buckle Up For Safety. Remember these crash test dummies? Lenny and Darren were doing about 120mph when they wrapped their Lambo around a tree one night while bombed. Only their steroid wracked bodies saved them from certain death. But at least Lenny cleaned up his act since then and has gone on to be a real choir boy doing nothing but charity work for years. In fact there was a recent 3 year period during which we didn’t hear a peep from him.

Finally, a belated note of sympathy on the passing of former Washington DC Mayor Marion Barry.  A huge fan of the Bullets, Barry was tireless in support of the DC Police. “The Bitch set me up!” was the rallying cry of this one-time crime fighter. He will be missed.

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About Fake Sandy Alderson 175 Articles
Big Al Sternberg/Fake Sandy Alderson is from a not-so-nice part of Queens. But through grit and elbow-grease finds himself living on Long Island with his bride and twin 12-year-old sons. He is a sports encyclopedia... and a loose cannon. In fact, Michael Baron of blocked him on Twitter. You can find The Blocked One's Tweets here: @AldersonFake