Angry Ward Wednesday: Our Gang, Bugs Bunny, and other Essential Sports Characters

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Caillou Angry_Ward Meet_The_Matts

Caillou & his Happy Ward doll.

BRONX, NY – I’m done trying to write about sports in February. I’d sooner pen a critical essay after watching a 24-hour Caillou marathon. (Those of you who don’t know what this is, consider yourselves blessed and move on.) Today I’m just gonna talk about any damn thing I feel like. You don’t like it? Go suck an egg or hit your local public library for some “alone time” in the dead languages section with the new Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue. Here we go.

Chubby vs. Joe Cobb. Does anyone care anymore about a possible Mayweather/Pacquiao fight? It sounds like some sort of old-timer’s event to me. I’d rather watch old fights from the 70s or, the greatest bout of all time, Chubby vs. Joe Cobb in the Our Gang Brawl to Settle it All. Here’s just a sample, but you should really go to YouTube for the whole thing, back-story and all.

Bugs Bunny. A friend posted a pic on Facebook yesterday of a truck somewhere in NYC with a graffiti rendering of the pitcher for the Gashouse Gorillas, Bugs Bunny’s main baseball nemesis. As far as street art goes, it was pretty cool. Anyway, it got me thinking that ol’ bugs was a pretty decent athlete. Baseball, basketball, bull fighting, the guy could do it all. And you didn’t see anyone ripping him apart for being such a prolific cross-dresser. Let this be a lesson to all of those Bruce Jenner bashers out there.

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Essential Sports Characters: The Gashouse Gorillas.

 

Jimmy The Greek Meet_The_Matts

“Intangibles, Brent.”

Jimmy the Greek. The Public Professor took his nose out of a book long enough the other day to say that the ESPN “30 for 30: Jimmy the Greek” film was pretty damn good. No matter how things ended for Jimmy Snyder, it’s hard not to love that I was alive during a time when a football pre-game show allowed an honest-to-goodness gambler on to talk about how you should be leaning with your betting money. Me and Cheesy Bruin especially liked his “intangibles” category. Why can’t we have this today? Because the NFL is an uptight, humorless enterprise.

Abbott and Costello. I am really skewing ancient today, but NFL Sundays were way better when they were preceded by an Abbott and Costello movie on WPIX Channel 11, here in NYC. They really need to bring this back and market it as an alternative to all of the horrible two-hour football preview show… on any channel. Hey, we all tune in for Odd Couple and Honeymooners marathons still, why not bring this back?

Hot Dog: The Movie. It’s February fer crissakes! What are you waiting for? Failing that, Hot Tub Time Machine will do in a pinch.

Finally, I was thinking that sports, and baseball in general, is missing colorful characters these days. Oil Can Boyd, Mark Fidrych, Turk Wendell, Lenny Randle, Mickey Rivers, Bill Lee… sheesh, even Manny Ramirez was kinda fun. Can’t anyone out there loosen up a bit? Here’s my question for you guys? If you’re playing in the majors, what song do you have them play for your at-bats and/or relief appearances?

Come back tomorrow for our lights-out closer combo, Fake Sandy Alderson & Big Al Sternberg.

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Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.

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