Mets New Star: Brown-Eyed Handsome Gorilla

<Korak Mets Gorilla

NEW YORK, NY – Korak charged third base as coach Tim Teufel frantically gave the stop sign. The big gorilla never slowed down, his left hand gripped the bag as his hind legs sprang around it. Bartolo Colon had just hit a ball into the gap and Korak was on first thanks to another intentional walk (his 40th. By comparison, Miggy Cabrera and Goldy Goldschmidt are tied for second with 10 each), but now he wheeled around second and was going even faster round third. Teufel’s arms waved like one of those blow-up car dealer men, but his batting helmet blew off in the breeze of Korak’s passing. Out in right field, ageless Ichiro Suzuki had quickly collected the carom and, afraid of no man or gorilla, eschewed the cutoff man and fired a one hop rope towards Marlins’ catcher Jhonatan Solano. It was a beautiful throw, if a half step up the third base line, pulling Solano into the path of the galloping gorilla.

Though the initial roar from the Flushing faithful was loud, it was suddenly replaced by a collective gasp when Korak leaped into his slide, bare feet up. One second there stood Solano with home plate umpire Clint Fagan hovering to get the perfect angle on the play…and in the breadth of a black and blue blur they were wiped away and out of the picture a half second before the ball bounced harmlessly into David Phillips’s glove, backing up the play before the dugout. He stared at the ground, the carved canyon that went through where home plate used to be, and followed it to the backstop, which was obliterated in a cloud of dust and debris and catcher’s gear and fans who had leaped out of the way and were now racing back in to try and help. Phillips said “Time?

There was a lot of shouting and moaning, but slowly the cloud dissipated and the knot of destruction untangled. Korak was holding home plate and waving it over his head in triumph. The hit was so hard it knocked the “h” in Jhonatan four spaces over to where it was supposed to be. For a few confusing moments umpire Clint Fagan thought he was Steely Dan co-founder Donald Fagan muttering about Cuervo Gold and fine Colombian, before shaking his head clear and angrily calling Korak “Out!” Korak went ape, but Manager Terry Collins reacted quickly, racing in between the gorilla and the ump, turning his hat backwards and screaming, pointing to the ball in Phelps’ glove, not Solano’s, and at the rubber plate being waved about.

tmp_7963-baseball-rules-1876-812177815The play, however, is not reviewable – according to rule 7.13, it’s up to the umpire’s discretion on collisions at the plate. Collins went a little ape as well, pointing out that Korak slid, the catcher had occupied the lane without the ball, but Fagan was having none of it and threw them both out of the game. Teufel took over as manager, and Korak’s replacement, Ruben Tejada, ended up getting the go ahead double later on that garnered Bartolo Colon his league-leading (!) 8th win.

tmp_7963-final1934246804Korak is suspended for a week. He stews in a whirlpool back in the clubhouse, and while Rhubarb licks his paw on a nearby bench, Jeff Wilpon enters. “Korak I want you to know the organization is standing behind you all the way on this… but we’re not going to fight the suspension.” Rhubarb suddenly looked interested. “We’ve got another little assignment for you, a top secret assignment if you choose to accept it…

That’s all for now, come back tomorrow for more Monkey Business with Big Al Sternberg/Fake Sandy Alderson.

Share Button
About West Coast Craig 226 Articles
West Coast Craig reports from Hollywood with an endearingly laid back style. A happily married father of two little boys, WCC has an avocado tree in his yard, plays the hot corner in a "Valley" hardball league and always manages to take cool sports-related mini road-trips, often with his immediate clan. He hails from Oneonta, NY but has been "So very L.A." for twenty years, so his sports teams are the Yankees AND the Dodgers, the Pittsburgh Steelers, the L.A. Lakers and the Colorado Avalanche/Quebec Nordiques. WCC loves bacon-wrapped hotdogs and can touch his heel and his ear... with his hand.