Whenever I see the MeetTheMatts.com website, I remember the day I met Short Matt. I pulled him out of a gutter in Hong Kong and he’s been begging me to contribute here ever since. Hold on a sec. What? My editor Eli says I shouldn’t bust the boss’ walnuts so soon, so let’s say asking me to contribute. He caught me under the whiskey influence one night and I agreed. So, a little about me:
Sports Bonafides: I played rugby for the New York Rugby Club for many years. I moved out of the City and started a hockey career in my mid-40s. I don’t skate very well, but I fall hard.
Note Of Interest: I’m not sure if it’s relevant but I’m a huge Trump supporter. It’s about time the Make America Hate Again thing was redeployed. What? Eli says that’s not the slogan… but he’s at the tail end of a bender, so that can’t be right. I don’t have any sports journalism experience, but I do listen to a lot of ESPN Radio. I used to listen to WFAN, but I found Mike Francesa to be an obnoxious blowhard. And not in a good way, like Trump.
Baseball: I’ve been a big Yankee fan since Reggie hit 3 in the World Series back in ‘78. But I might not talk about the Yankees much until they’re done paying A-Rod $75 million a year in 2048.
The other NY team is playing better but I’m not one of those NY guys who roots for all NY teams. All cities don’t have that luxury, so we have to make a choice; even when both options make your stomach turn. I feel like there’s a current parallel in there somewhere, but it escapes me. It’s fair to say I dislike the Mets, except for Noah Syndergaard, that is. That guy just looks like someone you’d want to have on your side, whether you’re tipping back a few cold ones or fighting off a Dothraki Horde.
I’m also a Game of Thrones fan, by the way. If I end up becoming a regular contributor, expect an overdose of GoT jokes, as long as they’re relevant. After that, like pretty much all of the Donald’s positions, I’ll evolve.
But I digress.
With the Yankees’ outlook dimming, I’ve been forced to find joy in other ways. On Memorial Day Weekend I made myself feel better by going to the Mets 30thAnniversary Celebration of their ’86 World Series championship. While they might have been celebrating a title, I was celebrating 3 decades of suck! Good times. I also try to go to Shea (it’ll always be Shea to me – get off my lawn!) for home games on the 1st and 3rd Thursdays of a month. If you sit in just the right place, you can hear management howl as payroll cuts a check to Bobby Bonilla.
Football: I really don’t like Tom *Brady. As a fellow supporter of the great Donald, I want to like him, but I don’t know how anyone outside of Mass could like such a whining little crybaby. Now he’s trying to take his deflated balls all the way to the Supreme Court? Really? Dude, you destroyed your cell phone right before the meeting with investigators. That’s shadier than the missing 18 minutes in the Watergate tapes. What, Eli? What the hell is a target demographic? Okay then… shadier than Hillary’s fairly tales about her emails. I wonder if the Supreme Court will have a 9th justice by the time Brady* gets there.
Hopefully, Congress will continue to heroically ignore their responsibilities and it will be left to Trump. I tried that at work, but my boss didn’t think it was so heroic. He’s probably voting for Hillary. Anyway, I’m also a big NY Giants fan and know for a fact that the helmet catch was the greatest play in the history of sports. If you disagree, you’re wrong. Maybe Trump can find room in his cabinet for David Tyree. “What Mexico, you don’t want to pay for the wall? Pfft, check out this catch I made.”
I’m generally excited about the season and think the G-men have improved in a lot of areas. I would, however, like to have a quick chat with the personnel people who think Marshall Newhouse and John Jerry are capable football players. They’re ranked 39th and 27th at their positions in Madden Football, enough said.
What? Drunk Eli just woke up to tell me I’m about out of words. Dang, I was just warming up. If there’s a next time, I’ll get to the Jets and address the rumors that the veterans have contributed money to a pot that goes to the player who punches Geno Smith in the face this year. I need 100 words alone just to list the players who’ve come out in support of Patrick Fitzryan Ryan Fitzpatrick this week. I’m sure that’s doing wonders for Geno’s confidence.
I’ll also list my 4,000 top reasons for not putting an NBA team in Vegas. But if they insist, they should definitely be the LV Bluffers (but I bet they’ll end up being the Aces).
That’s it for now, please offer your wisdom below and come back tomorrow for the guy that makes Buffalo sound better than Key West, DJ Eberle.
