Thank God It’s Angry Ward Friday: Mookie and Tebow and Football, OH MY!

Angry_Ward_Calhoun, Tim_Tebow, Mookie_Betts, Kris_Bryant, Meet_The_Matts

BRONX, NY – I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, except for a select few, the work ethic around here is abysmal. I got a text over two hours ago from Management saying they were “piecing something together” because one of our intrepid staff drank a little too much liquid comedy last night and failed to show for work. How long does it take to just knock something out… anything? Here’s let me take yet another crack at it.

Betts and Bryant Staying Put. Looks like two big baseball names that were rumored to be going a lot of different places are staying right where they are. Both Mookie Betts and Kris Bryant received one-year deals from the Red Sox and Cubs respectively, with Betts getting $27 million and Bryant getting $18.6. Hard to say that anyone is worth this much money, but seeing how much some pitchers got this offseason, I’d say it was smart of both teams to sign these guys. I particularly like Betts, who is a great all-around player. Speaking of the Sox, did you know their “Chief Baseball Officer” (whatever that is) is Chaim Bloom? This is real progress for this storied ass-backwards franchise playing in what’s still one of the most racist cities in America. Mazel Tov, Boston!

Angry_Ward_Calhoun, Tim_Tebow, Mookie_Betts, Kris_Bryant, Meet_The_Matts

Mets Invite Tebow to Spring Training. Oy vey! Why on Earth is Tim Tebow still a thing? Shouldn’t he be a televangelist by now? Oh well, if he’s going to be in camp, they may as well have him run chapel services and pray for the health of deGrom, Alonso, McNeil, and others. Maybe he can give Cespedes some sort of religious necklace to ward off evil boars, while he’s at it.

Coaches Matter. If you’re looking at NFL match-ups this weekend, a great place to start is by looking at the respective coaches in each game. It’s a crazy thought (I know) but lots of times, the smarter/better coach wins. With that in mind, let’s take a quick look.

Minn/SF: I really don’t see much of an edge here between Vikes coach Mike Zimmer and Niners guy Kyle Shanahan. One’s good at calling defense, the other at calling offense. This one actually seems pretty even, so maybe a slight edge to Shanahan at home.

Tenn/Balt: Mike Vrabel vanquished his former coach Bill Belichick, so we give him lots of credit for that. But John Harbaugh has won a Super Bowl and was smart enough to build his team and, particularly, offense around Lamar Jackson. Harbaugh definitely has the edge here.

Hou/KC: I’ll take Andy Reid over Bill O’Brien all day long.

Sea/GB: It really pains me to say this but Pete Carroll, at this point in his career, has to be looked at as a better coach than the guy with the hockey player name for Green Bay. This game is going to be tight throughout. It’s a true toss up.

OK, I just banged this out in 20 minutes. You’re welcome, Boss.

Come back tomorrow for… maybe me again? Stay tuned.

 

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About Angry Ward 555 Articles
Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.