NEW YORK, NY – For those expecting to see an in-depth look at the Philadelphia Eagles draft haul (it was awful) here today, apologies. Big-time Iggles fan, Buddy Diaz, is dealing with the loss of a close friend and asked for a pinch-hitter. So, here I am, a virtual Dave Kingman, stepping into the box; I strike out most the time but when I get hold of one, it’s a doozie. Let’s see how this AB turns out as we stay in the baseball swing of things with today’s topics: MLB Covid 100, Jeter Not Going To Cooperstown.
MLB Covid 100: This is NOT the name of new pop rock band that may or may not be touring with Slot Gacor this year. To clarify, it’s the radical plan out of the Major League Baseball Coronavirus Bunker to salvage #MLB2020. FULL DISCLOSURE: I can’t be overly objective here. Yours truly is an admitted baseball junkie and I’m jonesing for a fix. Sniffing the remnants of pine tar left in my Harlem Shaskys baseball bag is no longer cutting it. Taking practice swings with an imaginary bat – as the aforementioned Sky King – are not enough. Give me some baseball, man. Any baseball. But Jesus H. Christ, do the Mets and Yankees have to be in the same division? I’m a whore but come on… that’s just cruel. But enough about my demons. Let’s look at the proposed season’s important points…
This is still unofficial, but here’s what’s being reported on the virtual sports shows: Three 10-team divisions based on geography in a 100-game season. The top 4 teams from each division (12 in total, if you struggle with Math) will qualify for the post-season. The teams with the four best records get byes, while the other eight play four one-game playoffs – four Wild Card Games. There will likely be a limit on extra innings and the rosters will be expanded. (RUMOR MILL: Minor League Baseball may be canceled and the MLB roster expansion may coincide with that in terms of numbers). There will be a universal DH – the precursor for the the death of real baseball.
- New York Yankees and Mets, Boston Red Sox, Washington Nationals, Baltimore Orioles, Philadelphia Phillies, Pittsburgh Pirates, Toronto Blue Jays, Tampa Bay Rays, Miami Marlins
- Los Angeles Dodgers and Angels, San Francisco Giants, Oakland Athletics, San Diego Padres, Arizona Diamondbacks, Colorado Rockies, Texas Rangers, Houston Astros, Seattle Mariners
- Chicago Cubs and Chicago White Sox, Milwaukee Brewers, St. Louis Cardinals, Kansas City Royals, Cincinnati Reds, Cleveland Indians, Minnesota Twins, Atlanta Braves, Detroit Tigers
The Eastern conference has the best of this alignment, with the least amount of travel and zero crossing of time zones. The division also has some really sh*tty teams for the stronger clubs to feast on. In a simulated season played by CBS, the Pirates somehow finished in the top 4 in the division, which is as likely as yours truly getting gigs for a shampoo commercial. Hopefully, the mandatory #Covid19 testing will register the PEDs coursing through the Yankee lineup. Oh, and the Braves get reamed, having to travel to sh*tty cities and other time zones, which is nice. We like that.
Like we all gawked at the Sultans of Steroids in complicity when they brought baseball back from the dead after greed canceled a season, we will watch this with red-rimmed eyes in huge numbers. This will be our collective delving into meth. Only 2021 will tell us how our actions damaged the game and our souls forever.
NO HALL FOR DEREK
Okay, maybe this falls somewhat on the side of clickbait. Okay, it falls completely on the side of clickbait. But it’s true. Derek Jeter will not be inducted into Cooperstown’s Hall of Fame. But neither will anyone else this year. They canceled it. Let’s hope the living inductees all make it through the year and not end up missing out because of some tragedy or mishap like Kobe Bryant.
That’s it for this pinch-hitter. I hope David Arthur Kingman is smiling someplace. Speaking of big swingers, come back tomorrow for Different Matt.