“Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds.” – Herodotus (499-500 B.C.)
WEST POINT, NY – The above phrase, adopted by the United States Postal Service, applies to at least one of today’s topics – you can likely guess which – while the other two leave me feeling ill, literally and figuratively. With that, let’s unravel the day’s headlines: Army vs Navy, Larry Fitzgerald, DH Of The Year [Vomit]
Army vs Navy
Apparently this is a big deal, this football game thingy. It is played annually despite wars, national disasters or pandemics. And here’s something yours truly is ashamed to admit not knowing; it’s been played in Philadelphia all but one time, 1943. Why? The war. Since West Point was deemed safer than the Philly (for #COVID, not snowball-throwing fans), it’s moved north this year. But it is on…
“This game must be played. We’d play this game in a parking lot if we’d have to.” – West Point Superintendent Lt. General Darryl A. Williams (former Army defensive tackle).
No disrespect, but that depends on your perspective, Sir. My Dad was a retired Lt. Colonel from the Army and on active duty for WWII and the Korean War. My oldest brother, Tommy, was in the Navy. Neither of them gave/give a puffed-up pigskin about sports and I have no recollection of any banter about this game, whatsoever, from either of them. Ever. Am I saying the game is not a big deal and they shouldn’t play? No. But West Point did have an issue with the virus spreading at their graduation ceremony. Here’s hoping there is no repeat, that things go smoothly and Army trounces the Yachters in that spectacular setting on the Hudson.
Larry Fitzgerald
Speaking of #COVID-19, even the healthiest among us get scared by this thing. The stellar wide-receiver for Cam James’ St. Louis Arizona Cardinals, who is a solid citizen off the paddock, missed his first games since 2014. It wasn’t a hamstring injury. It wasn’t a concussion. Not a knee, nor a high ankle sprain… It was the Coronavirus. He lost 9 lbs and rewrote his will. THINK ABOUT THAT.
“Football, and how long I’ve played football, didn’t really cross my mind… It was more like the immediate future – like staying alive.”
If that doesn’t make you sick, this should:
DH Of The Year
[Drum Roll]
BRUCE BUFFER: “And the 2020 Edgar Martinez Outstanding Designated Hitter Award goes to… Marcell Ozuna!”
SCURRYING/CONFUSED PRODUCER: Wait… What?! Guys, that’s a f@cking American League thing. Ozuna is on the Braves. They’re in the NL, right?!
Unfortunately, both characters in the above Tony Award-caliber play are correct… and the end of civilisation (Canadian spelling, of course) as we know it is here. The Asteroid of Death, better known as the Designated Hitter, is coming to a National League ballpark near you and I find that sickening. [Vomit sounds]. Nice going, Ben Whitney, Different Matt and Buddy Diaz. Your beer league bastardization of baseball has finally overtaken the world with its sh1tty brand of baseball. Take a bow.
Speaking of taking bows, please come back tomorrow for a mad as hell and not taking it anymore, Cheesy Bruin. But first leave your thoughts below.
