NEW YORK, NY – As The Big Melt here in the Big Apple, turns our streets into black slush and backs-up our sewers so that all crosswalks end in a gray, garbage-strewn cross between a cesspool and an unavoidably deep puddle of dirty curb backwash, let’s wade through our stream of shared “sport” interests and swimmingly consider these eye-catchers: [Super Bowl] Prop Bets Gone Wrong, F Trevor Bauer, MLB Spring Training.
Prop Bets Gone Wrong
Cheesy Bruin is our resident gambling expert and will likely give us gems to mentally mine tomorrow, so today I’ll just go with one that seems, on the surface, to be a no-brainer for us not-in-the-know types: Last play of game will be a QB rush. After putting down the rent and then some after “borrowing” Mrs. Short Matt’s hidden-in-the-cookie-jar rainy day money (hopefully she won’t see this), my glee re such an instant money-maker turned into suspicion. ‘No way in hell Brady or Mahomes runs the ball on the last play,’ I thought. ‘Easy *fackin’ money,’ I figured. ‘What idiot would bet that?’ I shouted. But that I-just-beat-the-system euphoria turned to perspiration-pocked panic. ‘Wait… Is taking a *fackin’ knee a *fackin’ QB rush? Oh *shipth!’ And now I am apoplectic, faffing around in quite the state, hoping… praying… that the game will end, ironically, in a Hail Mary.
Speaking of prayers being answered…
F Trevor Bauer
Sure, in a gluttonous and blinded by greed flurry, I most definitely was on the Trevor Bauer Mets Bandwagon. There may even be some TikTok videos that prove such. But that was in The Fog of War and really, maybe, I was praying for some way this nut-job would sign elsewhere but in such a way that my Metsies didn’t look like they were going Little League again. Those alleged prayers were answered, as the Los Angles Dodgers of Brooklyn, New York signed the clubhouse loose cannon/grenade lobber. Indeed, Bauer went home for less money, so that saves face for the Amazins. It’s the contract itself that signals a red flag. Each year has an opt-out. Why in blazes would anyone in their right mind need an opt-out on a 3-year deal for $102,000,000.00 to play baseball in THE TOWN THEY CHOSE TO PLAY IN?! You gotta believe he’s a big poopie pants, just based on those facts. Thank you, Dodgers. We are all watching and waiting and hoping for you to implode. At least I am. Oh, the power of prayer.
Spring Training Rules
This is about the rules as per COVID, not a statement of opinion re how cool Spring Training is like, “Spring Training, rules, man.” So, what are those rules as per #COVID-19 protocol? Can we go and get autographs and rub elbows with our favorite players? No. Well, maybe. Arizona and Florida have different views of The Rona then say, New York. Looking at the Cardinals and Coyotes, for instance, partial attendance is allowed. Florida also allows for partial attendance. Major League Baseball, by the way, isn’t really calling the shots on this… the MLBPA is, as per the Collective Bargaining Agreement. Stay tuned.
*Edited by MTM Censors