Brock Holt Damage, Japan Beats US[A], Yankees Flexing

R.I.P., Rip. I got this.

NEW YORK, NY – While the MTM suits figure out a replacement for Cheesy Bruin on Sundays, you’ll have a rotation of guest hosts – like Jeopardy – to tune into here. Today is my turn and the categories are… Brock Holt Damage,┬áJapan Beats US[A], and Yankees Flexing.

Let’s take Brock Holt Damage for $400, Alex. Uh, KenUm… Mark (???) (CLICK)

JG Clancy Oakland A's podium, Meet-The-MattsOn the the surface, Texas Rangers utility man Brock Holt tossing a scoreless inning in relief is a pretty cool thing. However, after some internal probing [ahem], one can see that it has done irreparable damage to the competitive integrity of Major League Baseball and the very game itself. As Mr. Holt threw multiple eephus pitches against JG Clancy’s Oakland A’s in mop-up duty, loudmouths, know-it-alls & drunks in ballparks, bars and on couches everywhere were absurdly thinking and declaring, “Hey, I can do that!” So, while the Baseball Heaven versions of Bill Phillips and Rip Sewell shake their heads with worry/disgust, I’m here to put a finger in the dyke before the whole dam thing (see what I did there?) bursts open. How? With a simple, borne-from-experience declaration to you all: “You can’t do that.” You are not and never will be able to do what a professional baseball player can. In fact, you should all heed the words of Steve Thomsen, the legendary coach of the New York Rugby Club, who said to me at practice, “You sucked last year, you suck this year and you’ll suck next year. Get off the f*cking pitch [field].” Look in the mirror, baseball fans, and repeat those words over and over. And the next time you boo a guy for striking out, booting a ball or letting up a homer, just know they are light-years better than you. Need more? I suck, have a broken shoulder and I will still get you out. You can pay to have me do so by emailing info@MeetTheMatts.com.

P.s… You all think you can/could throw 80mph. You can’t/couldn’t. You’d be lucky to top 60 mph with a running start.

Japan Beats US[A]

Here’s a quick summary of what went wrong with Them vs Us: Todd Frazier was in the starting lineup. As per the above, “He sucked last year, sucks this year and will suck next year.” If Frazier isn’t on that team demonstrating the “Fail-up” mantra that is destroying our society, the US & A gets the gold.

Yankees Flexing

Again, yours humbly HATES being right about certain things – and this is one of them. The Stanks are putting the “Y” back in their name and will absolutely make the playoffs. What’s even more painful is that they are once again surging (after being left for dead), during yet another Mets collapse (after some superfluous/dot-com bubble success). It’s Groundhog Day meets deja vu all over again as Anthony Rizzo (not to be confused with the Rizzo of Jerky Boys fame) and Joey Gallo are doing exactly what a well-meaning Steve Cohen thought Javier Baez would do for the Amazins… Except the MLB leader in strikeouts ain’t. He’s an albatross with a chip on his shoulder – which just makes him a heavier cross to bear. Meanwhile, the Bronx Bombers are living up to all the hype, winning games in dramatic fashion, playing good baseball and… hitting. If only the spiraling Mets could learn to do that- and start by working the count… On top of all of that, Rizzo is as likeable as they come, looks a bit like Lou Gehrig and is the polar opposite of the hot-headed, me-first guy Baez that Frankie Lindor hoodwinked Cohen & Co into acquiring.

That’s all for now. Please feel free to comment below and come back tomorrow for our head-smashing used car salesman, Junoir Blaber.

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About Matt McCarthy 285 Articles
Matt McCarthy, is the MTM founder and consequently wears many hats: Director, Editor, Writer, Web guy and Podcaster... Also known as Short Matt, he's also a two-bit actor, voice-over pro, rugby, baseball and ice hockey player and likes hazelnut coffee with rice milk, while strolling in the sand, listening to foreign films... Matt also moonlights on MTM spin-off, RugbyWrapUp.com, often wearing a wig and glasses while butchering a Kiwi accent.