COLUMBUS, OH – Oh, Autumn… You dazzle with your colors, your temps and your smorgasbord of sports morsels on which we may feast. Since we all have different tastes, here’s a sampling for you to devour: USMNT, Drained Lakers, Braves Country.
USMNT
Need some help with the acronym? So did I. It’s the United States Men’s National Team… for soccer, which it doesn’t specify. There are, after all, UMNTs in hockey, basketball, baseball, rugby – yes, rugby – and a slew of other sports. Anyway, the one we’re interested in today (not really) is the one in which one goal is the cat’s meow, after 80+ minutes of feigning life-ending injuries. Goals are so infrequent that the players lose their minds when they actually pot one. Case in point was last night’s Team USA net-finder vs Mexico by Weston McKennie. He was so out-of-wack that he told the riotously raucous Columbus crowd to shush, placing a finger over his lips. Last I checked, that’s HIS CROWD. Maybe our MTM soccer experts Junoir Blaber and Grinding Ax can shed some light or explanation of this event that nobody but me seems to have noticed. But hey, maybe beating Mexico two-zip is the soccer equivalent of our guys knocking off the Ruskies in 1980. What do I know? Have a look for yourself by clicking this.
DRAINED LAKERS
We’re 12 games into the 14-month NBA season and the Lakers are drying up. They got smoked last night by the T-Bags T-Wolves, prompting Anthony Davis to rant a bit. EARTH TO ANT-KNEE: Don’t you have Carmelo Anthony in that locker-room? Welcome to Meloville: Where teamwork & effort go to die! King LeBron will have his work cut out for him but the guess is here that Carmelo won’t last half the season. Call it Carma (TM).
Braves’ Country
Angry Ward has rightful disdain for phrases like Raiders Nation or Red Sox Nation. What the f*ck does that mean, exactly? You’re part of a splinter cell in the USA? Maybe Homeland Security should start bugging your phones. Meanwhile, there’s one I hadn’t heard before: Braves’ Country… Oh. God. Freddy Freeman, who I actually like, saluted this entity of who-knows-what at their victory parade celebration. It made me angry. Stealing from Robin Quivers, it gave me douche chills. I guess winning TWO World Series championships in all your years in Atlanta warrants you to secede from our actual country. But guess what? After all those great teams in Atlanta and winning records, they have exactly the same number of titles as the New York Mets. Are you with me, Mets’ Country?!
That’s it for now. Please comment below and come back tomorrow for soccer-star-turned-NFL-picker-extraordinaire, Grinding Ax Walt.
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