Angry Ward Wednesday: Dishing Out Mets Mush, Yankees Leftovers, and Other Sports Swill

Bucks Sucks, Montgomery [Ward] & Mark "Action" Jackson

NEW YORK, NY – It’s Wednesday. If you’re in North Boston and stuck in a time warp, it’s Prince Spaghetti Day. If you’re an ice cream aficionado, it’s two-for-one sundaes at Carvel. And, for those truly lost souls swinging by this particular digital landfill, it’s time for your weekly heaping helping of steaming sports slop, lovingly prepared by yours truly. Dig in!

Mets Mush. We’re only a week into the baseball season, and already we’re getting a slight, yet unmistakable, waft of sour Mets Mush. It’s a relatively simple recipe to whip up. You start with a nice base of two convincing wins, followed immediately by two crushing losses snatched from the jaws of sure victory, also known as the “curdling agent,” then add in a handful of pitching injuries, and top it all off with a garnish of Short Matt already dumping on Buck Showalter. Voilà! You can choose to chow down now, if you like, but I’m gonna wait a bit and see if anything better comes out of that kitchen in Queens.

Yankees Leftovers. On the other side of town, the Yankees are serving up the same menu as last year, and the year before that, and the year before that. Quite simply, it’s sub-mediocre starting pitching, endless calls to the bottomless bullpen, and the home run/strikeout feast or famine that is the offense. The Bombers used 20 pitchers in their first three games. Call me crazy, but that sounds like a preview for a movie about how baseball became extinct. If Yankees fans aren’t tired of this baseball bill of fare by now, they probably should be.

Angry Ward

NBA Playoffs/Play-In Potluck. So, I guess the NBA playoffs officially got underway last night. I took a pass on the picked-over play-in appetizers. For starters, I have a Nets allergy. My Doctor also advised me not to stay up late watching teams I care nothing about… and quite often the teams I care about a lot. So, I’ll start paying attention when the Warriors start playing the Nuggets. Honestly, I think the Suns were far and away the best team in the league this year and I won’t be all that bummed if they win it all. In other news, sounds like LeBron wants Mark Jackson to coach the Lakers. I’m okay with this happening, as I love slow-build disaster movies.

Mock Draft Dessert. The NFL Draft is coming up and I am here to mock everyone out there doing mock draft boards. NO. ONE. CARES. The NFL and its many minions have a knack for making a meal out of everything. You want to mock someone or something? There are plenty of targets in the NFL: Cam Newton, Jets Fans, Daniel Snyder, Jets Fans, Kirk Cousins, and Jets fans… to name just a few.

I don’t know about you, but I’m stuffed. Come back tomorrow for Buddy Diaz, who just may be heating up some Yankees leftovers.

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About Angry Ward 748 Articles
Angry Ward, who has admirers at the New York Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but for one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way Nancy Pelosi embraces Mitch McConnell at charity events. And while his Vikings only tease him with success, his Golden State Warriors actually win these days. A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, "The Franchise." (Junoir Blaber disputes this). Vent, curse and giggle with him on Angry Ward Wednesdays.