Angry Ward Wednesday: The Pad Squad, the Phony God Squad, and Perhaps the Least Cool Guy in Sports

NEW YORK, NY – Excitement abounds today, as I woke up alive, it’s supposed to be at least 10 degrees cooler here in NYC, and I’m taking off work and heading out to a “Businessman’s Special” Mets/Reds game with my brother. What could possibly go wrongaside from Short Matt showing up in Flushing, which is always a possibility? But, now’s no time to be thinking about worst case scenarios. Gotta stay positive. With that in mind, here are a few things I’m relatively confident about.

The San Diego Pad People Are a Non-Factor. As I said here at the MLB Trade Deadline, if your team is in playoff contention and didn’t get Juan Soto, then San Diego was the perfect place for him to go. We’re still working off a very small sample size, and chemistry takes time to develop, but the Padres just got swept by the team they’re trying to chase down (the Dodgers) and have lost 5 straight as of this writing. I’ll say it again, ain’t nothing happening in San Diego when it comes to this baseball team. Nice weather? Absolutely. Beautiful beaches and scenery? Sure. But never hold out hope for San Diego sports. That goes for the LA Chargers this year too, for those of us who refuse to recognize their geographic move. Justin Herbert will be great but, somehow, his team will manage to miss the playoffs… again.

Joel Osteen’s Flim-Flam Act Has No Place in the Bronx. Last Saturday, while the Yankees were getting crucified in St. Louis, Joel Osteen and his Mynah Bird wife entertained scores of suckers at Billy Crystal’s Whore Emporium™ in the Bronx. Why on Earth the Yankees would feel a need to host this phony is beyond me. Don’t they have the most recognizable brand in all sports and piles of money for centuries to come? Why invite Pastor Pickpocket and his Hallelujah Hoover Revue to come vacuum out peoples’ pockets in the South Bronx, of all places. That “House that Greed Built” (MTM Management TM) nickname is becoming increasingly more appropriate. It’s not too late to save your souls, Yankee Faithful. Repent now and start rooting for some baseball lepers like the Orioles.

Aaron Rodgers isn’t Cool. You know how I know this? Because truly cool people don’t keep going out of their way to show and tell others just how cool they are. That is a FACT. He’s a very, very good quarterback, for sure, but tune this self-promoting clown out on everything else. Trust me on this one, kids. As it stands, I need a Silkwood decontamination shower every time I write his name.

Okay, that’s all for today. Play Ball! And come back tomorrow for Buddy Diaz.

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About Angry Ward 662 Articles
Angry Ward, who has admirers at the New York Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but for one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way Nancy Pelosi embraces Mitch McConnell at charity events. And while his Vikings only tease him with success, his Golden State Warriors actually win these days. A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, "The Franchise." (Junoir Blaber disputes this). Vent, curse and giggle with him on Angry Ward Wednesdays.