NEW YORK, NY -There’s some ol’ fashioned fan feelings coursing through my veins today, and Jesus H Alou, if feels good. Let’s get right to what is causing this welcomed arousal [ahem]:
Carlos Correa’s Horse’s Mouth
This whole thing is just fishy. I was talking on the phone – (Remember when you used to do that?) with diehard Houston Astros fan Bill Goren yesterday, and after breaking each other’s balls about the #Mets and the #Astros respectively, we both agreed that there has to be something significantly wrong with Carlos Javier Correa Oppenheimer Jr. – that’s his full name, folks. After the dust settled on the Kevin Bass, Jesse Orosco, Nolan Ryan, Bobby Bonilla and Mickey Callaway barbs, we concluded that there’s got to be some kind of David Wright/Alex Rodriguez/Bo Jackson degenerative thingy going on with Oppenheimer Correa.
Think about what has transpired from Camp Correa (TM) in terms of contract value/length. It was instantly at an unfathomable peak and then plummeted to less than half that height in length of contract. Moreover, two teams were ready to dump boatloads of treasure in the Correan Sea. The momentarily insane San Francisco Giants and nouveau riche New York Mets. had already starting soaking cash in kerosene. Keep in mind that the Frisco Kids had already been spurned/burned badly. They were left with rings in hand at the altar by Herman Munster Aaron Judge. They were so desperate to sign a superstar and keep their fans from burning seats, that they offered a potentially franchise-killing contract of THIRTEEN YEARS. The offer was pulled and the world mocked San Fran.
That’s when the biggest savior since Jesus, Steve Cohen, steppped in with a nearly-as-silly 12-year offer. After some giddy tweets from his Hawaiian retreat (#RetreatTweets), however, he looked looked into Correa’s horse’s mouth.
[Cue Fish Smell]
Cohen & Co rescinded their proposal. Yet, the injury issue was – and still has been – handled in a way in which one handles a woman’s age; it’s never really discussed or disclosed. We don’t know what SF & NY found under that hood of the shiny Correan sports car. We do know, though, that the Twinkees purchased this gleaming roadster as is – for half the years and a ton less money. Why? Because there’s something wrong. The Minnesota Twins say that’s okay. Hey, that’s exactly what the Texas Rangers did with Jacob deGreed., so it’s the new “baseball chic.”
Which NFL Playoffs Team To Hate Most
Of the remaining four teams, which team do you hate the most? Hate is not a word that we throw around much these days because nitwits out there are committing hate crimes. But here in Mattsville, we want to get back to some good old fashioned sports fans talkin’ hate about rival teams. For yours truly, the Eagles are the obvious choice, as they rival the team I root for, the New York Football Giants.
The other teams left are the San Francisco 49ers, the Cincinnati Bengals and the Kansas City Chiefs.
I can’t find any reason to dislike the Bengals or the Chiefs. It’s hard not to root for them. The 49ers are from Northern California, which I like, but Kyle Shanahan rubs me the wrong way. He’s got that grown-up look all wrong. It’s as if the 50-year old guy from MTV’s Ridiculousness dresses him. With Robert Stanley Dyrdek as his wardrobe coach, he wears the flat-brimmed baseball cap, the too-tight pants, and the skinny-fit hoodie, which allows me to drum up enough hate for his team – simply based on his attire and carriage. Plus, he got his chance because of his dad.
Like Joe buck, though, he has succeeded and risen to the top of his cut-throat profession, so the nepotism argument really rings hollow when you look at the body of work.
That doesn’t mean I can’t hate the fu****g 49ers more than I hate the fu****g Philadelphia Eagles. For your humbly, this is breaking news Ladies and Gentlemen.
I hate the 49ers more than I hate the Eagles on this day in January of 2023…. And there is your dose of good old fashioned sports fan hate.
On that note I’m out of here, please leave your comments below and come back tomorrow four Different Matt – AKA Brian Tyler – with his Puck Droppings.
